Teach Them to WANT to Be a Part of the Work

I haven’t been blogging much, been busy around the house. We are working on a little home improvement project, although it doesn’t feel so little! Today I watched as Jeff took time to give Peachy-girl a “job”.

I LOVED watching him tell her what to do. She just wanted to feel like she was a part of the project. There is not a lot that a 4 year old can do, but she can work the shop-vac!

I love that he teaches by example. He’s not afraid to get on his hands and knees to make sure it is done right… so she will do it right.

When kids are young they want to be a part of the work and that is when they are pushed aside. In our family, we expect the children to be a part, even if it is doing little things like vacuuming dust from the windowsills. :)

(Pulling Nails Out)

At this age, they are excited to be a part and usually the reward of a job well done is more than enough for them!

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,

while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Proverbs 13:4

So Where Do We Start?

I received many private emails in response to last week’s post, I challenge you….

A few emails had the same questions like the one I received from “Mandy”, she has given me permission to share her email with all of you.

” Homeschooling my 3 kids and keeping home and managing the finances keeps my days full. I just… found out that the place my husband works is closing. We are just trying to keep our heads above water. I do try to be an encouragement to other moms in our homeschool group, but we neither have the space (very tiny house), the time, or the money to have people in our home.

I didn’t grow up doing the things you are talking about so I don’t really know how to teach it to my kids. I have no older woman near me who takes an interest in disciplining me so I can learn these things. My family is nowhere near me.

What is someone in my situation supposed to do? I feel I can’t help an orphan, a widow, minister to my family, and we are trying to find a good church home so I’m not serving in that area right now.

I love what you are saying but don’t know how to make it practical in my life.”

Thank you Mandy for being so honest! I do think these are very common situations for many families.

First, let me say, I was not raised to do any of the things I am doing now. By God’s grace I have learned as I went along, I still have a long ways to go! The important thing is to just start where you are…one baby step at a time.

The reason why so many people are in this place is very simple, yet it has such a wide and all-encompassing ramification! Our culture, even among Christians, has lost it’s sense of community.

For decades we (as a whole) have lived individually. We bought the lie that it is all about us… we need to be all we can be, keeping the focus on US. We live as if we don’t need each other. This is not God’s best for us!

Combine the “it’s all about me” mentality, with separating the family for the majority of the day, which damages many relationships, and then throw in a dose of “keeping up with the Jones” and we end up with a bunch of hurting, confused, frustrated and ineffective people who are just trying to survive… by themselves!

Very Few People Have a Family Community

As a whole we push our kids to “find themselves” at all cost, especially at the cost of family relationships and family finances. Because WE PUSH THEM OUT, to be more and to do more, it is easy, almost natural for them to fly far from the nest as soon as they can.

You can not have a family community if you are not close to each other, investing in each other on a regular basis. It is the sharing in the joys and burdens of life that binds our hearts together. In our culture if you live near family you are considered back-woods, cousin-marrying rednecks. Or you are viewed as having control issues. How sad this is!

We want to stand on our own two feet, not needing anyone and we are VERY selective in how much we are willing to give of ourselves to others. And, yes, we should strive to be self-sufficient, but at the same time we need to be living in family community.

WHY in the world do we have nursing homes full of people? Because the family community is broken down, everyone is trying to keep their head above water and can not afford to take care of grandma.

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 1 Timothy 5:4

The average American family is deep in debt, with broken marital vows and disconnected children searching for purpose in life. Our push for material comfort has actually put a strangle hold on our culture.

We all know things are a mess, but what are we willing to do to make the changes? Are we willing to sacrifice, even if it means living with less or even being ridiculed by family and friends? How serious are we about redeeming the culture and seeking first the Kingdom of God?

So Where Do We Start?

For women, our families are our top priority! Meeting the needs of our husband is our number one calling, it is above EVERY THING else! And for some women, being the helper for her husband is all she can do. He may be demanding, or sickly, or whatever. If this is the man you are married to, he is your mission field, treat him that way!!! WHY are marriages falling apart like crazy? Because most women live with a individualistic worldview.

GET THIS!!!

For many of us, our biggest work, our life long mission is to reclaim family life the way God designed it to be. We need to be laying a foundation for future generations to build on. We will be spending most of our lives breaking the cycle of narcissism and materialism.

It is up to us to be living proof, that living sacrifice (Romans 12), to proclaim God’s truth by first establishing a family community. Once the family is united and equipped, THEN we can go out to our neighbors…and all the nations. For some of us, the going out to minister to others may not come to be in our lifetime, but that of our children and grandchildren. Hopefully we will lay the groundwork for them and they can go further than we ever dreamed.

For those of you that you feel like your hands are tied and you can not go serve as you want, first reach out where you are, right in your family. It WILL BE the most exhausting, humbling and frustrating mission work you will do.

You will be met with resistance, ingratitude and very…VERY slow growing fruit, but it is where God has you. You MUST first build up your house (Proverbs 14:1) so that it will stand, for what good is it to ‘save the world’ if your own house/family community crumbles?

Remember There are Seasons

There are times when you will be investing tons of time in your marriage or children. Every season brings new challenges and blessings. As your children grow older you will see that they need less physical investment and MUCH MORE emotional and spiritual investment. They NEED you to be all there, to advise and encourage, and be sure you have the Biblical wisdom to advise correctly.

There will be seasons that you can do more outside your home, make the most of it when it comes!

If you have spent your life laying a sound foundation, building family relationships and encouraging a family community, which means you have to live near your people, then there will come a season where you can reach out more. And what joy there will be when we can be a blessing to our grandchildren and elderly parents.

Home missions is not be pretty, or even recognized by most, but it will bring much glory to your Father.

As we work hard at reclaiming family life from the ground up we have to first change the way we view God, family and missions.

Some Practical Ways to Serve in Great Ways When Money and Time are Tight

Focus on Making Home Pleasant

This is HUGE. If you want to create a family community, then you must make home a pleasant (NOT perfect) place to be. This does not mean a beautifully decorated home. This means a home where mom smiles and looks on the bright side of things, as she points her loved ones to Christ. It means that mom is more concerned about the heart of matters than the legalities of issues, it is where forgiveness and grace abound!

Do NOT make your house a classroom. Being a teacher is not more important than being Mom. Yes, instill a love for learning, but don’t be so focused on academics that you can not enjoy daily life.

Make one night of the week, or if that is too much, make one night of the month a special meal time. Use a table cloth and glasses to drink from. Let the kids make place settings and table decorations according to the season. Slowly start making meal time something pleasant. Help direct conversation in positive ways, saying words of encouragement to each person.

Play soft relaxing music. Music is powerful!!!

Use soft lighting.

You make them remember the good times!

Make your family want to come home! Kind words, pleasant aromas, smiles, hugs, laughter, walks, bike ride, card games, cooking contests … What kind of mom will they say you were?

THIS home ministry is HUGE!

Never Underestimate Encouragement

Simply saying kind words not only to your family, but to others you encounter does brighten a day. Make it your mission to start a pleasant, yet brief, conversation with the cashier when you get groceries. Speak to someone at church you don’t normally speak to. Your children will watch you do this and they will one day follow your lead.

Make a habit of sending a letter, or even a card with a few brief lines of encouragement to someone. Think of people from your past you’d like to thank for investing in your life. Encourage a church or civil leader for their work. The written word is powerful! This is a must read for letter/card sending.

A simple plate of cookies to your librarian, emergency workers or postal workers with a note of “Thank You” is a great way to bless others.

Be Aware and Ready

You may not have money to give but you can find ways to organize giving.

Your family can organize a shoe drive, or a jacket drive for local needy children, or the homeless.

Is there a family in your area adopting? You can organize a fundraiser or help someone else that is organizing an event.

Is there an elderly person that could use their yard cleaned up, or their windows washed? Could you offer to do their grocery shopping when you do your shopping?

Are there shut-in’s in your area that just need someone to sit and talk with them for an hour or two a week?

Nursing homes ALWAYS need people to visit, especially with young children to brighten their days!

Use your handiwork skills to crochet shawls for the elderly, or baby hats for the hospitals.

Use your cake decorating skills to make birthday cakes for local children’s homes or foster kids.

Ask God to bring opportunities to you. You won’t be giving and doing every single day, but if you have the mindset of wanting to serve, opportunities will come.

Most of all, how are you building your family community?

Are you pushing your children to grow up and move on for the sake of material gain? Or are you encouraging them to stay in their community, their family community and church community?

Are you teaching them how to trust in God or are you full of anxiety and fear?

—-

The Most Skilled Deficient Generation- Ever!

Why They Get On My Nerves -Part 2: Child Training

After posting yesterday about why my kids, my husband and the housework get on my nerves, I felt like there needed to be a follow up post about another aspect of this.

This part is mainly about the children, those sweet precious gifts from God, that were also born with a sin nature, just like we were.

These kiddos (just like me) need to be taught and trained, taught what is right and wrong, and then trained to do the right thing, regardless of what they want to do.

Whether it be from laziness or busyness, or maybe even ignorance, many parents will not teach and train their children.

Many will allow their homes to be child centered homes, homes where the children are pacified with TV, computers, music, friends, etc… They require very little out of their children concerning responsibility or conduct. They are happy to keep them busy and out of their hair so they won’t be bothered.

Some child centered homes are homes where parents work themselves to death to make sure Johnny can be all he can be. He has every gadget, is involved in every activity so he can be popular and ‘well rounded’, all while they neglect the importance of HOME life, a life full of responsibility. These children usually grow up with a lousy work ethic and poor stewardship of what has literally been handed to them.

When we don’t train our children concerning responsibilities (house hold chores) and conduct (behavior and manners) it will cause us to become frustrated and impatient with them. They will grow older and get on our nerves because we failed in our responsibility of training.

What are you doing that is more important than teaching and training your children? If you don’t do it, who will? Don’t count on the schools or their peers, don’t even count on your church, it is YOUR job!

We need Christ centered homes. Home that are built on the foundation of the Gospel. Homes were we learn to obey God, live by grace, serve others, work hard and honor parents.

Why They (kids/husband/housework) Get On My Nerves - Part 1

Sometimes you have to wait until they are thirsty.

You can lead a horse to water,

but you can’t make it drink!

Yes, this is my daughter who was drug to the quilter’s guild every Tuesday for 4 years starting at age 10. The same one who was made to sew and cook, even though her heart was not in it. Now she is sewing curtains for her new home, on her new sewing machine (a bridal shower gift!), not because she has to, but because she WANTS TO!

I watched her today work her machine as she begins to make her soon-to-be-house a home. I can’t begin to tell you the joy it brought me, and then to watch her find satisfaction in her work because she had the skills to do what she needed to!

Emma was my most domestically resistant daughter, I think in part because she had an older sister who excelled at everything! It makes the one living in the shadow find other ways to stand out. I remember so many times her complaining about having to go to the quilter’s guild every week. Olivia enjoyed it, Emma did not.

I can’t remember how many times I told her, “You do not have to enjoy it, you do not have to do it for fun or profit, BUT I want you to know HOW to do it. I want you to be able to do it well enough that you CAN do it if the ‘need’ were to arise. I want you to be able to teach your daughter one day.”

The same thing applies to her cooking. Olivia is an excellent cook, she has surpassed me by a long shot. Emma can cook the basics, she knows her way around the kitchen and she can shop, but her heart has never been in it.

BUT!!!

But, now her heart is really in it because she is marrying a man, and like most men he LOVES good food! So now that she is hungry to learn she is full speed ahead.

She wants to be a good wife, she WANTS to be a good homemaker, so now she is getting serious and she is making up for lost time fast! She now has a reason, she is seeing past herself and she is realizing her duty, her calling as a wife and keeper of her home. And let me tell you, it is a beautiful thing to watch this young woman come alive in her domestic skills! She is even finding her own passions that she is excelling at, like learning about natural healing.

So my point for you moms of struggling girls, keep leading them to the water, keep teaching them. THAT is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, you make sure they are exposed to and taught what they need, even if it is just the basic skills of cooking, sewing, money management, shopping, homemaking, etc… And then when they get thirsty they will begin to drink on their own, learning as much as they can as fast as they can, because then they will see that now it is up to them! No excuses! And won’t you be glad you gave them the building blocks to excel?

I never want to hear one of my grown daughters say what I have heard from SO MANY mothers, “…but my mom never taught me those things.” I hear it all the time when I teach or speak. If you don’t know how to do certain things it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to seek out resources or other teachers to ensure that your daughter can drink when she is thirsty!

As a good parent you make sure your children can read, write and do math, but I challenge you to view basic, practical skills to be just as important! Make a list of what you think your daughter should know before she sets up her own home. It will take years just to learn the basics, so start young! Here is a list we came up with. Has Emma mastered all of it? No, but we had a goal, and she has a good base to build the rest of her life on. Here is a list for boys.

Are you preparing your children for real life?

Press on mothers…press on!

The Brodock Family Motto for 2013

“Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. “-Proverbs 29:18

Whether you have a family mission statement, a verse or motto it’s better than having nothing. It helps the family unit understand who they are and why they are here. It helps with planning your year if you know what your goals and purpose are.

BeFunky_DSC_0044

This year we have chosen the family motto, “Be a blessing, not a burden.”

Whether it be in our daily responsibilities around the house, helping at church, contributing in the community or even how much we are willing to do on the job, our attitudes are so very important.

Boots usually mean work, so boot-up and be a blessing!

If you are not doing your part and you are able,

then someone else has to do it

and

that makes you a burden and not a blessing

Going the extra mile,

doing more than what is expected of you

makes you a blessing.

As parents we have got to set the example of a servant heart, always willing to serve others and then we need to train it into our children. For some children it comes easier than for others.

How this looks in our home:

See it:

The picture above will be printed off and posted on our refrigerator and also a copy for everyone’s binder as a reminder.

Write it:

Each month we will go over a verse from the list below. These verses will also be incorporated into the children’s copywork for their lessons.

“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ Acts 20:35

“And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.” Titus 3:14

“Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways.” Haggi 1:7

“And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.” Mark 9:35

“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” Proverbs 11:25

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

“For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them.” 1 Corinthians 9:19

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” Romans 12:1

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…” Hebrews 10:24

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

Talk about it:

As situations come up, whether it be bad attitudes or laziness we will ask, “Are you being a blessing or a burden?”

When someone is going the extra mile we will acknowledge it, a little praise goes a long way.

When we see situations publicly we will use them as object lessons. For example, if we see someone going out of their way to help someone in a store.

Other suggestions:

Let the children write stories, poems or even act out scenarios of someone being a blessing vs a burden.

Read stories or biographies.

Our heart’s desire is that our children love the Lord, all the days of their lives and that they love and serve their neighbor, especially those within the same 4 walls.

I’d love to hear your family does this kind of thing.

The Chore Zone

There is no doubt in my mind that daily chores are

an absolute must for raising responsible children.

Work is a good thing.

Work is a necessity for all of us.

Charts are good because everyone needs to know what is expected from them and it keeps the boss (mom or dad) focused and on track.

The Zone Chore Chart is what works best for us. We have each younger child matched up with an older child for a few reasons:

The older ones can train the younger ones how to do it right.
Working together nurtures relationships and/or shows character issues that need to be worked on.
The older ones learn how to be patient and teach.
The older ones ‘inspect’ the younger one’s work.

I swap ‘work teams’ twice a year so everyone gets to work with everyone else. Except for me, I keep the 3 year old by my side as my helper!

We change work Zones each month.

Each team is responsible for their zone each day. We usually have a work zone time in the morning, and then in the afternoon.

Click the link below to see how I have the zones divided.

Zone Chore Chart

To make your own Zone Chore Chart, just divide your home into zones. Go to each zone and make a list of what needs to be done daily, weekly and monthly. Assign who will work which zone when.

***

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:17

Disclaimer: Every family is different. Children within a single family are different. Families have different seasons of life. So when referring to any chore chart use your own discretion and remember it is simply a guideline.

2-3 Year Old

At this age it is mostly about encouraging a good attitude as they work along side of you. Make sure they do not hear YOU complain about the work; your attitude is contagious!

Do everything without complaining or arguing…

Philippians 2:14

Make the Bed
Pick Up Toys
Feed and Water Pets
Dust -without cleaners
Mop in areas with help.
Mommy’s Helper- “bring mommy a diaper”
Putting Clothes in the Hamper
Fold Washcloths
Match Socks
Carry Lightweight Groceries in from Car

Ages 4 and 5

All of the above but slowly give them more freedom in doing the chores without you by their side. As they get older expect them to improve on their ability to do it well. You are still focusing on a cheerful attitude.

Ages 6-8