We all want to give our children a good start in life and that includes the skills and character they will need for marriage and family life.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Proverbs 31:10
The normative is that most women will get married and have children. According to Scripture they are to be a keeper of their home; a ruler of their home. This is their primary way of being their husband’s helper. (Titus 2)
We want to be able to give our blessing on their marriage, which is more than just words of approval. Our blessing will be backed up with love, support, encouragement, physical help, counsel (when asked for) and prayer. Our blessing is a way of opening our arms to their suitor and saying, “Welcome to the Family and we trust you with our daughter!”
The following is a list of accomplishments we’d like for our daughters to achieve before they marry. We want our daughters to be a blessing to their husband, to help him take dominion of the earth for God’s glory.
In the event that they do not marry, these skills will only enhance their lives!
Before We Give Our Daughters in Marriage:
~ Spiritual
- Be a Growing Christian (The key to all of life.)
- Have a clear conscience with parents and siblings. If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with all people. Romans 12:18
~Homemaking Skills
Be able to:
- sew a apron, skirt and dress using a pattern.
- sew for the home: curtains, throw pillows
- clean efficiently
- do laundry
- iron correctly
- keep order
- practice hospitality
- can produce and meat
These skills will not only save money, but they may even make money from home if need be:
- Make a Homemaking Notebook - Filled with recipes, ideas, favorite patterns, addresses, birthdays, etc..
~Business Skills/Money Management
A woman is to be sharp with the details of life. A woman that cannot manage money or the business affairs of the home will be a burden to her husband. The husband may choose to handle the money and business, but she NEEDS to know how to do it and be willing, especially if he were to die before her.
- Basic Bookkeeping
- Basic Business Skills
- Basic Computer Skills (HTML) The computer is a great way to make money from home and to serve in ministry.
- Know how to fill out personal tax forms.
- Live on a budget for one year, with a lifelong goal of keeping it up.
- Manage a checking account for at least one year. No bounced checks and keep it balanced.
- CVS- Coupon - Bargain Shopping
- No Debt
- Six month living expenses saved
- A hope chest started
~Reading Material/Conference
- The Bible - To have read it at least once (hopefully more than once) all the way through.
- Finical Peace University, by Dave Ramsey. We wholeheartedly believe everyone, married and not married should do Dave’s course. Money problems are the number one cause of divorce. Other than knowing God, money management is the most important thing to know before marriage!
~Culinary Skills
Be able to make:
- 10 delicious meals
- 10 nutritious breakfasts 5 Decadent Desserts
- Once a month cooking
- Cook for a crowd
- Plan/shop and prepare meals with ease and consistency.
~Garden
Be able to grow, maintain and harvest vegetables and herbs, even if it is just a few basics.
~Basic Home/Auto Maintenance
- Change a car tire.
- What to do if the car overheats.
- How to caulk a window.
- How to change a fuse, or turn off house breakers.
- How to use a fire extinguisher.
- Take apart and clean out the trap of a drain.
- How to turn off the water supply at the meter or well.
We believe the most important character traits for a wife and mother are:
(this list is not all inclusive)
- Submission - She needs to understand she was made for her husband. “…for neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man…” 1 Corinthians
- Contentment - A woman that always wants more will be a heavy weight to her husband. No matter where they live or how much they have, contentment with Godliness is great gain! 1 Timothy 6:6
- Flexibility - Her time and talents belong to the Lord and He will often bring circumstances that cause a quick change in plans. This will be very important if she marries someone that has a lot of vision.
- Gentleness - A woman is to be a lady, a gentle person in speech and conduct; taking much care if the way she reacts to tough situations.
- Meekness - To be yielding, putting the needs of others first. To manage her home and care for her children with humility.
- Productivity - A virtuous woman is not to have an idle hand. What shame a slacker wife would bring to God and her husband.
- Frugality - Whether wealthy or not, a woman should be the best steward of money, time and possessions as she can, because she knows they are not hers, but only entrusted to her by God.
You may look at this list and think that it is overwhelming, BUT if you start training you children while they are still children (young) and give them responsibilities they will grow into these. The goals for our daughters may be very different than yours, the important thing is to have a plan and start working the plan. We want to do EVERYTHING we can to give our daughters what they need to have healthy, God honoring, and happy marriages and families!
Aim for nothing and you’ll hit it every time!
Stephenie says:
Great list! Thanks so much. I see areas where I could use some improvement myself.
Paula says:
This is a great list! I’ve been married 20 years and I am about half way through learning some of the things you want your daughters to learn before they get married! I didn’t know anything. My poor dh, he had to eat many yucky dinners when we first married.
It’s stuff of legends LOL.
Dana says:
I can do all that stuff, except for the HTML. I’d add to the list being able to do some simple electrical wiring like changing out a light switch or change the plug on a lamp. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to do stuff like that. (Thanks 4-H Electric!). It’s saved us lots of money by not having to hire things done and not having to junk things (like lamps) just because it stops working.
Blessings-
Dana
Shannon - Living Life at Home says:
With my oldest daughter heading into her teens soon, I’ve been thinking a lot about what we have left to work on as far as being prepared for adulthood andthe most important roles she’ll have - as a wife and mother. I’m printing off this list and adding it to our homeschool goals/requirements notebook.
Thank you for sharing it!
…Shannon
RG says:
How can I print this? Guess I need to work on my computer skills!
Kathy says:
I’ll create a PDF later today. Good idea!
Shannon says:
Kathy….
Your encouragement is contagious. THANK YOU!
Shannon
Katharine says:
Thank you!! this is a wonderful list of things to know and to teach! I’m waiting for the pdf file to print out to!
Gill says:
Thanks for this thoughtful list. My dear daughter is still only 9 but I totally agree with starting training early. I have some years to go yet but little by little she is learning some of these things already. I shall be keeping this list by me to encourage us on. Happy New Year. Gill.
Kim M says:
Wow! Like others who commented, I wish I had learned those things myself before I got married.
Kim M says:
I am looking forward to seeing your list for fellas as well!
clare says:
Lovely post!. I dont suppose you have age related growth goals. My daughter is a (mature for her age ) 6 yr old I think. But I would be interested in knowing what skills you suggest to aim for in terms of age.
Debbie says:
Much of this I learned as a child/teen. Unfortunately, however, the most important ones, the character traits, esp. submission, gentleness, and meekness. were not on the list of goals for my parents, nor for myself as a young adult. This made for a very difficult transition when my husband and I married, and a life of difficulty after becoming a parent.
All those other items are very important practical skills and yet can be learned w/ a book or a mentor once grown. Godly character, however, requires lifelong effort on both the part of the parent and the child.
I praise and thank the Lord that He accepts me where I am and works with me to become a better wife and mother, however, when I fail (which was often when they were young and impressionable) it makes a lasting impression on my children who are now fighting many of the same “demons” due to my poor example.
Please, ladies, make time for character training while your children are young. And if you are in the same boat as me, pray for God’s grace to allow the flesh to be put down and to daily “put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him.”
Thanks Kathy for your list and your wonderful encouragement.
S says:
Debbie, Your comments are so true. Most skills can be learned relatively quickly, but Godly character is really what counts. I’m not saying to just ignore life skills and book knowledge, but the main emphasis of parenting must be in the character building area. A solid foundation must be laid. Other skills and academics can then be slowly added to the mix, but still the goal should be maintaining Godly character DURING the learning process instead of just focusing on the end result of learning a skill or academic knowledge. I always think of the verse “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his own soul?” I certainly want my children to have many skills and be smart, but if they do not use their talents and intelligence to glorify God, then it’s all for naught.
Tiffany (As For My House) says:
Wow, this is a wonderful list to help everyone stay on the right track.
I sure wish I’d had an upbringing like this! It’s sure a challenge to try to unlearn bad habits, learn new skills, and play catch up as an adult with children…
clare says:
Thanks Debbie, am with you on that!… “however, the most important ones, the character traits, esp. submission, gentleness, and meekness. were not on the list of goals for my parents, nor for myself as a young adult. This made for a very difficult transition when my husband and I married, and a life of difficulty after becoming a parent.”
i was brought up the same way and I pray to God that my children get it whilst there young. Trying to train them in the way they should go….. Any practical adivse and tips on how you are training them delibratly on these particular chracter traits?
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