Does Abuse and Neglect REALLY Happen in Homeschool Families?

This week’s post, From a Homeschool Victim Who Obviously Survived, written by our adult daughter about her homeschool years has caused quite a stir. It has been shared 35,000 times on Facebook and been the center of some heated conversations and also been the source of great encouragement to parents to keep doing the tough job of parenting. There was MUCH more positive feedback than negative.

I would like to address some of the negative comments. And just for the record, I did not publish the comments that were hostile. Those who were dissenting and yet respectful were published.

One other thing, this website/blog is run by me, it is run as a business and ministry. Occasionally, Olivia will post, although I wish she’d post more because she is a gifted writer. BUT she works 3 jobs and has very little time for writing and debating in the comment section. This is why you will see me answer some of the comments for her. It’s called working together, we do a lot of that as a family! There are some comments I am saving for her to address.

The following is a comment that I did publish, it was on the nicer side:

This article is full of it lol I was homeschooled all 12 years and I will never advocate it. I understand results may very, and if you have the right parents then heck you might survive! But what about the homeschoolers I knew who were so sheltered and unsocialized they became mentally unstable? What about the ones like me who struggle with depression because I was not allowed to have my own opinions or choices? What about all the brainwashing that goes on? Did you ever stop to think about your own life choices? About the real world? Or is your life a cookie cutter of your parents? Like I said, results may very… I will be fair and say I knew homeschoolers who were fine because their parents did it right. But I also knew parents who used it to hide physical abuse.. I knew homeschoolers who had no social functions and will pretty much be a waste in society. It shouldn’t be allowed because some parents REALLY don’t know what to teach their kids and they end up not knowing the simplest of things. As for myself, well I like to think I did survive. I’m doing good. But I struggle with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and other problems. But I can function in the real world. Unfortunately, I can’t say that for the rest of the ppl I knew. ~Bekah

Does abuse and neglect really happen in homeschool families?

I’m sure it does, although I don’t know anyone personally and we live in a very large homeschooling community. I’d be foolish to say there is none. There is abuse/neglect in every segment of life. Does that mean we should just accept it? No! It should be dealt with legally and spiritually.

The problem is not homeschooling, and to say that it “should not be allowed” because some parents may hide behind it is ludicrous. What is the other option? Turn the children over to the power-driven, money-hungry government and strangers? We know how well they handle the national budget and foreign affairs.

Let’s think this through and be consistent.

Are there law enforcement officers that abuse their positions? Should we do away with them because of the few abusive ones?

Are there public school teachers and bus drivers who abuse their students? Should we do away with all of them?

Are there therapist that abuse their clients? Should we shut them all down because no one can be trusted?

There are those in ministry that hide behind their pulpit only to abuse the weak and seeking? Should we close all churches and ministries down because of the wicked ones?

Are there husbands who abuse their wives? And wives that break trust with adultery. Should we do away with marriage?

Are there parents who send their kids to public school who abuse and neglect their children? Should we allow no one to be a parent?

The problem with those who attack homeschooling because of a few parents who have been abusive or neglectful don’t understand that it is not an issue of homeschooling, it is an issue of abuse.

We are all anti-abuse no matter what the offender hides behind. But to go on the warpath to label and discredit homeschoolers, or law enforcement officers, or bus drivers, etc… as a whole is a form of abuse itself.

About Abuse and Being a Victim

Abuse and neglect does happen. We all know this. There needs to be a voice for the victim, if not their own voice someone needs to be heard for them. There needs to be punishment for the offender. But more than that, there needs to be healing and repentance. If there is no healing, even if the offender does not repent, there will be no moving forward. You are just stuck, dying a slow death with no joy, no peace, no life!

I am no stranger to abuse. Although I have never been physically beaten I have endured my own nightmares, some of which I will never speak to another soul about, not even my husband. I also know the pain of never being able to measure up, of words that cut deep and being abandoned by a parent. I know that pain is real, the hurt is deep.

One of my dearest real life friends endured a hell of a childhood. Her own father even tried to run her over with a car. She knows pain, she knows rejection. Her scars are deep. But she is one of the most grace-filled people I have ever met. As an emotionally and spiritually healthy adult in her 40’s, she sat at her father’s bedside while he was dying and he still spewed words of bitterness and abuse towards her, yet, she had compassion on him. This same friend has done more to reach out to the unloved and unlovable than anyone I know personally. Does she struggle with that hurt? Does that pain rear it’s ugly head from time to time? Sure! But through Christ she is an over-comer. She will rarely talk of her abuse because that is not her identity. She lives a full life of victory.

Just last week I met a man who was raised in a Russian orphanage. An orphanage with no love, no nurturing, no “real life” outside those prison walls. He grew up enduring abuse and neglect. This man, now almost 40, will light up a room with his love for God and for people! He is using his life to minister to those who are aging out of the orphanages in Russia. This man, through the grace of God, is an over-comer. He will not sit and constantly talk to you of the abuses he endured, but he’d rather tell you about freedom, and healing… and LIFE! He would call himself a victor, not a victim.

Three years ago we were asked to take in three children, a sibling group (they were public schooled but it really doesn’t matter in this situation). These three were 2, 6 and 8. These children were neglected, they have seen and heard things no child should know. These three have been rejected and abandoned my their mother and their fathers, along with the rejection of their extended family. These three know abuse and they know pain. By-the-way, they were “helped/rescued” not because they were in public school, but because there was a drug bust after previous offenses by the adults in their lives. The “safety net of public school” was not their salvation.

As we are slowly teaching these children to trust and love (which is a very long, bumpy road) we are equipping them with a worldview to allow them to heal, to let go of bitterness, to forgive. We are not there yet, but we are working on it slowly, and I am sure there will always be an inner struggle (just as I have), but they can be over-comers. We are very open with them and they are free to talk about their past and we listen, usually without comments, but just let them talk. The thing is, they don’t really relish in their abuse and as time goes on they talk less and less about it. This I give glory to God for.

We are encouraging them to have forgiveness and compassion towards their birth parents. We pray for the salvation of their mother, who is now in prison. We are also teaching them HOW to break the cycle of abuse and neglect even with the simplest things such as playing baby-dolls and sweetly talking about how good mommies take care of their babies.

Just yesterday I had Aaron, my now 9 year old snuggle with me while we rocked, he says his is too big to snuggle, but I know he really wants to. I softly asked him. “Do you know I prayed for you before you were even born?” He was puzzled. I said, “Yes! I was asking God 12 years ago to bring us more children. It took Him a little while, but He brought me YOU! God has been so good to me and you!” I hope He will use their pain to help others, but only if they move past the bitterness and self-pity.

Then there is Joseph. His bothers threw him in a pit, they sold him into slavery and he ended up in prison! God used that hard providence to bring provision, to bring LIFE to so many. Was Joseph angry? Was he filled with self-pity? I wonder if he would have written dozens of blog posts about his abuse? Most likely not, because Joseph was filled with wisdom and compassion, even for those that abused him.

And we save the best for last, Jesus! No one has endured what He has, yet even at the moment of His death He was moved with compassion and asked God to forgive them.

Is there abuse in the homeschool movement? Sure.

Are there some leaders that are corrupt? No doubt!

Should there be accountability and punishment? YES!

Is there abuse in other segments of life? Be honest and be consistent!

Does that give us a right to lament every little detail publicly about how we’ve been wronged? At what point do we seek forgiveness, whether giving it or receiving it? When can we thank God for His mercy and use those horrible things for good?

Because I have been abandoned I will fight to be by the side of my husband and children. I WILL break the cycle of broken families by the grace of God.

Where is the victory?

You will never find it as long as you gather with others , physically or virtually, who want to keep digging that scab off and oozing out bitterness.

One of the very first things we taught our youngest three was that God was merciful and that He directs their footsteps, but how they choose to respond was up to them. We don’t know why it had to be a hard journey for them but we trust that God is working a bigger plan. If they choose to live a life of self-pity then they will never have peace and joy. God gives grace to those who ask for it.

My point is, quit blaming blaming homeschooling because some abusive parents hide behind it.

The majority of homeschool parents are laying down their lives to give their kids the best they have, even if it is not perfect, even if they wear thrift store clothes and don’t study higher math. And if you believe every public school teacher, in every classroom across this nation will give your child a top-notch education, which would in-turn will guarantee them a happy, well-rounded, successful life, you are delusional.

Lastly, let us be very careful what we classify as abuse and neglect, and be careful of the friends we choose to keep.

What is the answer?

Those of us with a voice lets encourage, educate and equip good parenting, whether it be face to face, through books or virtual relationships.

Lets be involved to help bring healing and meeting needs of the victims like my Russian friend. Move forward with purpose and love, be strong and courageous.

There is adoption and the breaking of cycles. You can’t save them all, but you can save one and you have no idea what that one will do!

Be involved and connected with those around you, it’s called living in community. When people are involved it gives layers of accountability.

I can tell you I am a MUCH better parent with my younger kids than I was with my older ones. I have learned so much by the example and teachings of others and by my own mistakes! My husband I choose our friends very carefully.

From a Homeschool Victim Who Obviously Survived

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to discredit real abuse. Real abuse happens within all walks of life. It does need to be addressed and dealt with - with punishment for the offender and healing for the very real victim. But this post is a satire about a life that often seems hard and unfair. What child does not think life is unfair at times?

Six years have passed since I graduated from what I have been trained to call formal education. I was taught that education was about more than the books and grades, so we called our curriculum, our scheduled learning, “formal education”. It is all documented in those records we kept, just in case anyone accused us of not doing real school.

It took me most of the last six years to really understand what was done to me during those years of “home schooling“. Firstly, and most importantly, I was never allowed to stop learning. How cruel is that? I was never allowed to shut the book, drop the pencil, pack it up and go home because I’d served my time for the day. We, my siblings and I, were “encouraged” to be always learning, to find the “why” for everything. Even now as an adult, my mind seeks out reason for everything.

That said, when it was decent weather, we were forced outside. We had to go find leaves or bugs for a unit study, (what’s up with “home schooling” and unit studies? As if everything is connected… gah.) Oh, and if the old lady who lived up the street needed help carrying in her groceries, we were forced to stop doing math and go help her. Math! We stopped math class to help people.

One of the very worst things about “home schooling” was the socialization. Surprisingly enough. Most people assume because “home schoolers” school at home there isn’t any opportunity to interact with other people. I wish that were true.

You see, I’m an introvert. I HATE talking to new people, I HATE HATE HATE speaking in front of a crowd. I loath the thought of small talk. But when you homeschool you have to interact with everybody, your family, the other families in your co-op, the people at soccer practice, your voice teacher, your piano teacher, the people at the gym and Wal-Mart; you are almost always surrounded by people of varying ages and ethnicities.

My Mom was a special kind of cruel, you see, she MADE me take public speaking, knowing I hated it! She signed me up for speech classes and public speaking competitions. Do you know what that did to me as an adult? It removed every excuse my introverted-self had for shying away from leadership responsibilities in business, in charity work, even in sports. Now when the need arises for a speaker, for a leader, my training, my conditioning kicks in and because I’m able, it’s expected that I contribute.

Homeschooling forced me to become a well rounded and thoughtful adult. It stole from me the typical teen experiences. I was never bullied, which from what I’ve gathered is a character building experience. I never had the opportunity to spend hours (weeks, months, years) crushing on a guy I’d never really end up with. I never had the chance to get caught up in high school drama or participate in trivial gossip like a normal girl. Instead my time was spent taking care of people, of learning practical boring things like cooking and quilting. So now as an adult I can feed you and keep you warm, but I’m a little awkward around shallow people.

I have my mother to thank for every twang of guilt when I don’t do a job completely, I mean, who does everything completely anyway?

I have no idea how I survived the mental trauma of being raised by two people who honestly thought it best for me to pursue a few deep relationships versus having a ton of friends. Like, totally not cool.

We had “free time” in the afternoons. I remember being kinda lost during that time. We could go do whatever we wanted. How does anyone think that is healthy? Shouldn’t kids be micro managed? I mean, do you have any idea the mischief we got into? We built ti-pis in the woods (where we could have gotten bit by a tick and contracted Lyme disease!) and rode our bikes without helmets.

We were forced to work. Physically. This is a dark part of my sordid tale. We were forced to help with family business. When the family catered an event, we kids were right there, cutting vegetables and washing dishes. When my father needed an extra hand on a home improvement job we were there to hand him tools, load and unload the truck, sweep floors, etc… see physical work I tell ya!

Sure, I learned a lot and by the time I applied for my first job. I was hired the next day because my resume (which learning how to write a resume was a mandatory part of high school) looked fantastic. But what my resume doesn’t tell you is that my parents saw through every detail of my work. They started me on chores when I was tall enough to reach the sink, with the help of a stool. As a 6 year old I had to do extra chores for any sort of extra cash. Allowance? Oh no, we were told that, “you work, you eat”. I don’t know where they found such capitalistic propaganda. I don’t care that that is how the real world operates, I was just a kid. I would rather have thought that everything would come to me because I was special and unique. I think I could have coped with the harsh realities of life if I had been sheltered from them till I was an adult.

Oh, and I never go to eat cafeteria food. Ever. I had to eat things like salads and homemade bread with strawberry preserves. To this day I’m a food snob and it’s “home schooling” to blame.

So what does a “home school” survivor look like? In my case it looks like a 23 year old with a plan to build a cooking school for kids who age out of foster care. It looks like a girl who loves her parents, who finds her worth in Christ, not fashion or fads and whose best friend is her sister. It looks like a girl who shows up early and stays late for both of her jobs. It looks like a young adult who doesn’t disdain authority. It looks like a happy, healthy, hard working, humorous, semi-normal woman. Which, I guess isn’t so terrible.

Written by Olivia Brodock, author of No More Wasted Years, and is a chef, peer counselor and board member at a local crisis pregnancy center, writer, missionary and visionary. She lives on beautiful Straight Mountain in North Alabama, where she attempts to carry out the Great Commission with her family.

Memorizing 1 Corinthians 13 - Let Love Abide (video)

There are 3 things I want my kids to know more than anything:

1. Who God is and what He really said.

Which is why we read and memorize Scripture. As we read, study and memorize the Holy Spirit will reveal more and more truth to us. You can’t really grow in truth if you only hear a sermon once a week. As we learn whole chapters at a time we are learning verses in context. This makes it easier when we do hear preaching or teaching on a verse to have discernment whether or not it is being taught in the context of all of God’s word, and it also gives us a deeper understanding for the groundwork already laid.

That being said, I will be honest with you. Our family does not do near as much reading and memorizing as we should, but we are consistent in moving forward little by little. Sometimes we get very busy with things such as weddings, grand-babies, a heavy work load or whatever, but the important thing is that we get back on track and move forward. It has taken us two years to learn three chapters of Scripture, the 10 Commandments and the Apostle’s Creed.

We are a family of doers, only a couple of us are readers (read because we love it and can’t get enough). And while quantity is important, quality is even more important. Most times while others are studying how to put their hand to the plow you’ll find us out behind the plow. The world needs both kinds of people.

The point is, don’t set unrealistic standards for your family and then give up because you are discouraged. Don’t compare yourself to others. If it takes you a three years to read through the Bible you’ve already done more than most people. If it takes a year to memorize one chapter you are WAY ahead of the majority.

2. They are loved and wanted by us and their Heavenly Father.

Everyone wants to be loved, and especially loved by their parents. If you know your parents love you and want you, then that sets a security in you that can not be shaken. A LOT of people do not have this security.

And if you are given a hard providence in life such as your parents rejecting you, as our three youngest have experienced, then it is even more important to know that your Heavenly Father loves you and desires fellowship with you. Once you have that security you can face anything!

3. How to serve others through love (even if it has to be tough love).

In our day of self-esteem and feel-good theology we need to know how God said we should live. We need to know HOW to love others, HOW to serve others, HOW to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh. If we are not denying ourselves and loving/serving others then we do not know the Gospel.

It took us about 8 months to learn this, but they have it now and all three of them know it from start to finish! We have had MANY great object lessons as we’ve worked to memorize this.

They also know Proverbs 3 and Romans 12.

Are We Deceiving the Children?

Where did we get this concept that summers are a time of living carefree? You know, those lazy, hazy days of summer?

These long days of summer are to be enjoyed, but this mentality of 3 months of doing nothing but fun in the sun is wrong.

Summers should actually be our busiest time. This is the time to sow, weed, water and harvest.

Back in the agricultural days kids took a break from “school” to be able to help work the family fields and farms. They understood the work that it took to keep everyone alive.

Now do I think we should all be farmers? NO!

Do I want to be a farmer? Not necessarily.

Am I against vacations and celebrations? NO!

Do I think children should work long hard days like an adult? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

What I am against is deceiving children into thinking that childhood is all about frolicking from one child centered activity to another. That summers are all about being at the pool or laying for hours in front of a screen becoming brain-numb.

During this break from the usual school routine we should be giving them opportunities to grow in areas of new skills and responsibilities.

Depending on their maturity, by the age of 14-15 they should be working some sort of summer job, even if it is for a family member.

If it’s not possible for a summer job they should be learning some skills to help them become knowledgeable adults. Let them spend some time with someone who is good with a hammer, or small engine repair, or someone who is exceptionally good at cooking or photography… the list is endless. Think of skills that could make them money as they grow older.

Let them learn how to grow something, even if it is just one thing. Even if they fail at it big time they can learn from their mistakes and do better next time.

This idea that when summer gets here we throw off the shackles of responsibility and REAL LIFE is just crazy.

They have got to understand that they are a very important part of the family. They have to contribute in any way they can. No one feels like a part of the team if they don’t get to play on the field. Let your kids be a team player, on the most important team…. their FAMILY!

Don’t set your kids up for a miserable life dreading the grown up world, dreading the daily grindstone of work. Instilling a bad attitude about life, about work and about purpose is not loving your child. You are setting them up for failure.

Where to Start?

Slowly, from the time they are 2 and 3 years old teach them that responsibility, doing their duty is expected and appreciated. This starts with simple things such as, “Pick up that toy.” Followed by a big smile and applause. Their attitude will most likely reflect your attitude! Here is a list of age appropriate chores.

Every six months or so their responsibility in the home should increase. Teach them how to do more and give them new duties while maintaining the old ones. In time they will improve on their ability to do it efficiently… and correctly.

Ignite the need to know more. Between Pinterest, Google, YouTube, friends, neighbors and family there really isn’t much you can’t learn.

Equip them with knowledge.

Require responsibility and productivity while they are young so when the time comes for them to fly from your nest they will soar high! Don’t be the one responsible for clipping their wings.

Yes, we go to the pool, and the splash pad and other fun summer outings. We also balance those occasional activities with what is needful and wise. Just to save the haters time in writing about what a horrible mother I am.

Raising a Generation of Wimpy and Selfish Women

Disclaimer to save you time sending the hate mail:

Education is good, we should all be educated and never stop being educated, but let’s not throw out good common sense and a strong work ethic while we are at it.
Money is good, if you don’t love it. It is a needful tool in dominion work, but let’s not pursue riches over wisdom.
I know there are seasons of illness and hardships that make life extra hard - this is not about you.

Exhausted

Stressed Out

Overwhelmed

These are common words to describe today’s mother. I hear it everywhere. I read moms venting on Facebook, Twitter, etc… of the heavy burden of motherhood and homemaking.

Yes, motherhood is demanding.

Homemaking is challenging.

Being a good wife is tough!

I am there with you, I really am!

~~But a part of me wants to take the whiny, wimpy woman over my knee and give her a good spanking.~~ (Edit: I am crossing this line out. I did not mean to offend so many with this remark, it was a metaphor, not a literal action.) She reminds me of my 5 year old who has a meltdown when she is told to clear the table after meals insisting “it’s just too hard”.

Are you really serious? Stop waving your fist at God for giving you the responsibilities of the next generation.

Quit expecting someone else to do your work or to make it all easy for you.

Compare your day with the day of a woman 200 years ago! Do you really have it that hard? At least you have indoor plumbing and running water.

Previous generations knew they were building societies. And strong, productive societies take people, hard work and vision. Remove the people, or the hard work, or the vision and your society will cease to exist.

“May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace.” Psalm 144:12

Plants take a lot of work, constant work. Corner pillars take a lot of work, back-breaking work. Without them there is no future. There is no food and there is no palace.

The Two Stumbling Blocks - Hearts and Hands

#1 Hearts

Our hearts are easily deceived. Our hearts are selfish and want only to be happy… in love with life. We want a taste of heaven here on earth and we will do what we need to to get it. We will even pick our favorite Bible verses to justify it. We just know Jesus wants better for us and we will surround ourselves with people and books to remind us of that.

NO! Jesus wants us busy working! We are Kingdom builders for goodness-sakes!

Can we find joy in our work? YES! But only when the heart is in it. But our heart is usually seeking self first, looking for an easier way, a way that will still ensure that we enter the Gate one day. But often our choices along the way will rob us of blessings, because we want to avoid the work that comes with those blessings.

#2 Hands

Our hands are not skilled nor equipped. Many of us don’t even know where to start.

Homemaking is overwhelming, parenting is even more exhausting…and the thought of ‘loving’ our husbands at the end of the day is almost unbearable.

Why? In-part because the last few generations dropped the ball. Their charge to us was to “go out and find yourself”, “be all you can be” and “get your Masters while you are at it so you can have a more comfortable life and not do the menial work of home”. We have a society that looks down on the skilled laborer. We have forgotten the importance of doing the work of our hands, and with that we’ve lost the backbone of our country and our families.

We set up our homes having no clue how to do anything beyond opening a can of mush. Budgeting, home repairs, home industry, taking care of babies, hospitality, and even the work of relationships… all of it has to start at ground zero because we were not taught HOW to do these things. As children, very little was required of us and it has carried into adulthood. No wonder women are overwhelmed.

And what is even sadder, we are raising up a generation of even weaker women who have a view of marriage and children as nothing but burdensome. As mom and dad complain about the load and the expense of children, and then delegate their responsibilities of work, education and relationships to other people, the children are carrying on their vision, or the lack thereof.

If the Lord has given you a husband and children be faithful!

Raise up your children to be strong and skilled while having a servant heart. They will not get that from you if you are in a tizzy all the time and neglecting your duties to train them. Don’t be responsible for raising up weak and whiny daughters who buckle under the pressure of motherhood.

Yes, I know it is hard!

But why do we think it should be easy?

Be a strong woman so your daughter can be stronger:

Ask for strength and wisdom from the Giver of your life!
Clear your calendar of the time-robbing, energy-sucking activities.
Make a plan of needful skills, then slowly start working your plan.
Roll up your sleeves and get busy about YOUR work… and your work WILL take your lifetime to complete, just accept it!
Love your husband, even when he gets on your nerves.
Make your house a home, no matter how humble it is.
Train your children to obey and equip them to work and serve.

Mom’s Night Out Review - What Are You Saying to Your Kids?

Sitting in the morning sunlight, Peachy-girl (5) asked with much seriousness, “Mom how does it feel to have children?”

I respond, “Wonderful!”

Peach smiled and said, “I knew you’d say that.”

I’m glad she sees it that way, even though I don’t always feel it that way.

The other day our family went to see Mom’s Night Out at the theater. We rarely go to the movies but felt that it was important to support Christian film makers. Overall we enjoyed the movie and laughed pretty hard a few times. It has a great message of enjoying where you are, even if it is messy and loud. It’s a message of motherhood being hard work and important work!

My favorite character was the pastor’s wife. She was a great example of an older woman whom others go to for answers, yet she has her own struggles - don’t we all?!

There was one thing about the movie that bothered me, which I know is typical for most families and without it there wouldn’t have been a story line. It was that Mom was super stressed out, in-part because her children were not disciplined. Isn’t this how all family movies start? Isn’t this how most families live? You can’t have a good story line without a conflict.

In this story line (as often in real life) the family chaos is because parents don’t know how or don’t want to train their children to behave, to act respectfully. There is a scene in the movie where the little girl is yelling in the mom’s face. This would only happen once in our house!

Today’s Parenting

There is so much modern day humanism in our parenting worldview that we live in fear of causing emotional damage to our precious little ones, who then grow up thinking the world is all about them and wreak havoc on the family and society. They can’t have a healthy marriage because no one ever taught them boundaries.

We live in fear that they won’t find ‘who they are’, when in reality they are sinful humans who need a savior and need to learn self-control in every area of life. It’s not about finding who they are, it’s about living obediently and faithfully and trusting God to direct footsteps.

We see overwhelmed moms all around us, especially within the homeschool super mom culture as we try to measure up to everyone’s standard of family and education.

Moms become burdened down and are robbed of the joy of motherhood. The children are clamoring for order to know someone is in control. The children are out of control because the parents are not in control.

Then the vicious cycle of complaining begins. Mommas, don’t be one of those overwhelmed mothers that complain about the work of having children, as if they are robbing you of ‘your life and your freedom’.

When they see you roll your eyes at them in disgust or disbelief of their foolishness, or they hear you begging for a mom’s night out, to get away from them, you are putting a ping in your relationship. How would you feel if they were begging for a break from you? How does it make you feel when they roll their eyes at you?

Nothing makes a child feel more unloved and unwanted than a parent who sees them as a burden.

We all need rest and times to recharge, but don’t send the message to your kids that THEY are the reason you need it.

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Slow down.
Eliminate the fluff from life.
Eliminate the activities that steal time from your family, that steal order from your lives.
Train their character.
Set the pace of contentment for their life!
Teach them to be a blessing to people around them.

Strife and discord is not from our Father.

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Parenting has to be a balance of child training and grace to grow.

Your life is not your own, it is God’s and He gave you work to do, it’s called parenting!

If You Have More Hurt Than Happiness on Mother’s Day

It’s been funny watching my little kids try to secretly make plans for Mother’s Day. After all they have been through I am so grateful their hearts are still tender and willing to love. This is our third Mother’s Day together.

The thing I can’t get them to understand is that all I really want is for all my family, big kids and little kids, to be gathered around my table to eat… drink… and laugh! There really is little more that I desire than to be with my family and enjoy being together… to walk in harmony together. That most likely won’t happen this year as there are still some struggles… BUT I am blessed beyond measure and I WILL enjoy the goodness of the Lord.

I have a feeling there are probably more mothers who feel hurt rather than happiness on Mother’s Day.

If you are one of those, one whose heart is aching from rebellion or regret I have some encouragement for you.

Today I posted over at Raising Homemakers about Motherhood and Regrets. Who doesn’t have regrets?

Here is a post I wrote last year about When Mother’s Day Hurts - Rebellious Children

Here is a wonderful video from my best friend Kelly of a presentation she did recently at a conference. She shares openly about her struggles and what she has learned When Motherhood Feels Too Hard. Be encouraged!

And if you are a mom struggling with the grief of death here is a post for you. May you find some peace and comfort from our Father.