Before you read any further I want to make clear this is just a list that we are aiming for, as is the list for our daughters. This list may change a little as time goes on. Our only true requirement for our children to receive our blessing on their marriage is that they and their spouse be Christians and active members in a church. Everything else are goals to help them have successful marriages and families.
For this cause shall a man leave father and mother,
and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Our sons will leave our home and establish their own home one day (our son has already moved out). Hopefully the Lord will give them a wife to cleave to. The word cleave means to cling to, remain faithful to. Our sons need to be prepared to be faithful in all areas of life, not just sexually. They need to be faithful to lead, provide and protect their wife and family.
Other than their walk with Christ,
character is the utmost important thing to teach our children.
The normative is that most men will marry and father children. Sadly many men are not equipped with character nor skills to do their job efficiently. Only after they marry and that first baby is on the way do they realize the weight of their wedding vows.
We want to be able to give our blessing on our son’s marriage, which is more than just words of approval. Our blessing will be backed up with love, support, encouragement, physical help, counsel (when asked for) and prayer. Our blessing is a way of opening our arms to their bride and saying, “Welcome to the family and we are here for you!”
The following is a list of accomplishments we’d like for our son to achieve before he marries. We want our son to be a blessing to his wife, so that the two of them together can build the Kingdom of God.
In the event that he does not marry, these skills will only enhance his life!
Before He Cleaves:
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
- Be a Growing Christian (The key to all of life.)
- Have a clear conscience with parents and siblings. If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with all people. Romans 12:18
- The Bible – To have read it at least once (hopefully more than once) all the way through.
- Finical Peace University, by Dave Ramsey. We wholeheartedly believe everyone, married and not married should do Dave’s course. Money problems are the number one cause of divorce. Other than knowing God, money management is the most important thing to know before marriage!
~Business Skills/Money Management
- Basic Bookkeeping
- Basic Business Skills
- Basic Computer Skills (HTML) The computer is a great way to make money from home and to serve in ministry.
- Know how to fill out personal tax forms.
- Live on a budget for one year, with a lifelong goal of keeping it up.
- Manage a checking account for at least one year. No bounced checks and keep it balanced.
- No Debt
- Six month living expenses saved.
- Be able to cook several meals.
- Be able to grow, maintain and harvest vegetables and herbs, even if it is just a few basics.
~Basic Home/Auto Maintenance:
- Change a car tire.
- What to do if the car overheats.
- Do auto tune up.
- How to caulk a window.
- How to change a fuse, or turn off house breakers.
- How to use a fire extinguisher.
- How to turn off the water supply at the meter or well.
- Basic Electrical
- Basic Plumbing
- How a washer, dryer, refrigerator, stove work for simple repairs.
- How to paint a house, exterior and interior.
- Basic welding.
~Wood Working Skills
- Know how to use saws, drills, etc…
- Be able to build a simple structure (storage building).
- clean efficiently
- do laundry
- iron correctly
- keep order
- practice hospitality
- Be able to change diapers, mix baby formula and burp a baby.
We believe the most important character traits for a husband and father are:
(this list is not all inclusive)
Loyalty –A man who is loyal will be loyal in all areas of life, especially to a wife he loves.
Stewardship- Taking good care of what is entrusted to you.
Humility- Knowing who you are in Christ and always be willing to put others first.
Productivity - A slothful man is a curse to a wife and his children. “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might…” Ec. 9:10
Diligence- Know your duty, do your duty! No excuses, no giving up.
You may look at this list and think that it is overwhelming, BUT if you start training your children while they are still young children and give them responsibilities, they will grow into these.
Find people in your family, church or community to teach these skills. Tackle one or two areas a year.
The goals for our children may be very different than yours, the important thing is to have a plan and start working the plan. We want to do EVERYTHING we can to give our children what they need to have healthy, God honoring, and happy marriages and families!
Aim for nothing and you’ll hit it every time!