Mother’s Day is the day set aside to honor those who have loved us and raised us, either physically or spiritually. But many women hate days like Mother’s Day because it hurts. It may hurt because there is no mom to honor, either because she has physically passed from this earth, or maybe she is not one worthy of honor. As we parent three children who are learning to heal from the pain of being rejected by their birth mother, we get to see that pain up close. The pain is real!
There is also a lot of pain for moms whose children have passed on to heaven and then those whose hearts are far from us through broken relationships.
Family life is messy.
Family life is HARD!
Healthy relationships take a LOT of work and constant work. The family is a garden that needs to be continually cultivated. Weeds of bitterness, selfishness and complacency can grow up in the cracks of the heart and destroy a relationship before you know it.
When the dread of Mother’s Day comes its a loud reminder of what is wrong, what is missing; a stab to the heart usually reminding us of mistakes made or of rebellion embraced.
I’ve been there.
I’ve had the deep pain of a Mother’s Day after burying a child. It’s so unnatural, so wrong.
I’ve had the gut-wrenching pain of Mother’s Day with wayward children, that even caused me to question my faith like nothing else.
But I am also here, on the other side of that pain that lasted for years, that seemed as if it would never get better.
Life is not ideal, BUT I am now living a life on the other side of that pain where life is good… and oh so sweet. I am enjoying healthy relationships, actually FRIENDSHIPS with my adult children. I am basking in the joy of grandchildren!
God is the Healer and He redeems time. And you really don’t get the “Healer” or “Redeemer” thing until you have experienced the pain, the feeling of hopelessness. Pain, rejection, loss is not something we choose for ourselves, but it is often what God uses to prune us, sanctify us and grow us. I’m not saying he inflicts us, but I am saying he uses infliction for our good and His glory!
I NEVER…EVER…EVER want to go through the years of a wayward child again. For me, rebellion was worse than the death of my child.
But I do thank God for those years of rebellion. I learned more about Him, drew closer to Him than at any other time in my life. I came to the point that I finally grasped that I could not control things, I was/am at His mercy and He shows grace!
I am utterly dependent on Him.
He is a good God.
If this Mother’s Day is painful for you, know that God wants you to draw close to Him. He wants you to look to Him alone.
If your relationships are broken, pray!
- Seek out ways to be forgiven if you have caused pain. We have all made mistakes!!! It must begin with our repentance.
- Pray for tender, receptive hearts for yourself and the offended/wayward.
- Lower your expectations of what you expect from others. Our expectations are usually what causes us to become bitter. Expectations are unspoken demands.
- Acknowledge you can NOT fix everyone.
- Acknowledge your children are NOT going to be exactly what you want them to be.
They are not your robot and they are NOT mini-me’s. - Give it time and pray patiently. Wait on the Lord. We all hate this but it is often what God uses to work in US before he restores a relationship.
If your arms are empty, missing your mother, or your child, know that God knows your pain. He won’t leave you in your despair forever. In the morning there will be rejoicing and this life here on earth is a mere breath. Psalm 144:4
Whether it be loss or a life-storm, cling to Him. Desire Him more than for your circumstances to change.
