Sometimes we sign up for a little too much.

And by a little, I mean 1000 servings of cake in two days.
And by we, I mean the Baker.

We‘ve gotten better over the years, a few midnight breakdowns in powdered sugar or Indian Curry teach you how to… how shall I say this- learn your limits?

It also teaches you that Walmart is mostly empty and it’s a no wait partAy at Taco Bell after 10pm, but that’s another story.

I wasn’t surprised then when the Baker told me this week’s project was two (t.w.o. as in more than one) wedding’s on Saturday. One at 5pm and one at 6pm. Because we’re obviously super human and can handle that. And it was just a couple weeks ago we did THREE, yes, THREE weddings in one day! So why should two in a day be of concern?

Having recently bowed out of the restaurant kitchen scene, I’ve been enjoying the past two weeks of air conditioning, dress clothes and let’s be honest- lunch breaks. Office jobs are fabulous and now that my Saturdays are free we are pulling up our big girl pants and putting some serious sweat into the sweets.

Well… not in the sweets, that’d be gross. But in the family business. We’re super excited about breaking ground on the new bakery in July. More details to come, obviously (bloggers first, bakers second- priorities people).

7pm The house smells like cake, seriously, the crumbs have taken over and the stacks of cake are everywhere. [We might have the only kids who don’t get excited a bout eating cake. #overthat]

The Baker was a bit frazzled, but that’s to be expected, after all 1000 servings is a bit of a task. We’ve come to love her covered in Crisco and flour, her perfume kinda smells like almond extract. But don’t tell her I said that. She and the Muffin Man had a little nervous break down trying to cut level pillars for the bottom layers of a cake that was to stack 5 tiers high! And it was a solid midnight before she went to bed.

6:30am Cherbug (11)- the master assistant, wakes me up with “MOM. NEEDS. YOU.” This never ends well. I don’t handle problems before coffee or 7am on Saturday. The baker’s all, “we don’t have enough ribbon. Or Crisco. Or Sugar. Or wax paper.” Peachy and I ran to Walmart, but first stopped and got biscuit tacos, because that is evidently a thing now. And it buys you undying love from a 6 year old. So that’s cool.

2pm We load all 14 layers into the van, which we forgot to start early because that’s the Muffin Man’s job and he was working on top of a roof today. It’s also his job to load and math/science the packing process for optimum stability of all cakes. So it was not fabulous that he was working his real job.

First drop was in Branchville. 1/2 hour drive, bumpy roads and well, my packing skills be lackin’.

3pm The bakers starts assembling the first cake, so she says to me, “drive around, keep the air on and don’t brake, I’ll be done in 20.” So I went to Jacks. Because they have milkshakes.

When I get back to the church, the cake is set up but table cloths were late, enter strapping groomsman- they pick up all four flippin layers of cake. You may not know this but, cake is heavy and shaking it is the highest cause of Baker’s Stroke in America. It’s a big deal.

 

Meanwhile the sun is beaming it’s horrid rays directly onto the brides cake. This is bad. Because icing melts, and not in a chocolate foundation kinda way.

Reenter groomsmen, we used plastic tablecloths as temp curtains. Worked like a charm. We had to scoot before the florist put the flowers on, so this is the best pic I have for now.

4pm We’re running a little late at this point, but that’s cool because we forgot the directions and I’m too cheap to waste my data on my cell’s GPS. Found the location rather easily, Pine Lakes Country Club. Lovely place.

Turns out the cake is the main center piece in the entryway. Deep breaths, right? It’s warm, causing the icing (and the baker) to sweat a little.

Have you ever stacked a 5 layer cake for 300? Yeah, me neither. Took about 45 minutes to set that baby up, meanwhile we got a private performance of Uptown Funk and other good stuff from the live band.

Having been in catering for so long (like 3 months), I enjoy giving a few pointers to newbie coordinator assistants like, “Hey, how ’bout we not stack 3000 napkins in front of the cake?” or “Maybe we should put the tea in the lovely decanters instead of those pickle jars…” It makes me feel like such a productive part of society. -JK, I’ve been in catering way longer and the issues are usually way dumber. But I’m judge-y like that.

5:30 We’re outta here. Cakes are all set up, including a third one that is not pictured, a three tier stacked groom’s cake. Surprisingly enough, this is the worst part for the baker. {{{Leaving a standing cake.}}} She’s still waiting for that call saying, “hey, we kinda toppled the cake…” or the horrified bride who doesn’t like it. Neither of these things have ever happened but it keeps her up at night for some reason.

We stopped for a few Watermelon Mimosas and peanut M&M’s; made it home before the Baker’s babies went to bed.

What have we learned today kids?
1.) Plastic table clothes make great temp curtains
2.) Putting wax paper strips under the ribbon boarder keeps it from getting grease stains from the icing.

That’s all folks. Remember, stay calm and eat cake.
-The Baker’s Daughter

 

 

Written by Olivia Brodock, author of No More Wasted Years, devoted daughter, sarcastic sister, crazy aunt, master chef and marketing consultant.