All parents, well good parents at least, want their children to grow up to be responsible, respectable, productive adults. No parent is proud when their adult ‘child’ becomes a bum who squanders time, talent and money.
I am simply amazed at the stupidity of this extended adolescence phenomena that is widely accepted!!! Adolescence in and of itself is a crock; and now we have extended adolescence where boys men in their 20’s are ALLOWED to act like spoiled brats, being able to come and go as they please, always casting off the call of duty, as they seek to indulge themselves in whatever they want; meanwhile they EXPECT someone else to provide for their needs.
What infuriate
s me even more than these lazy, irresponsible, self centered boys men are the people, usually dear ol’ mom and dad, that make excuses for them and enable them to be not only a drain on the family, but a burden on society.
Friends and family that think they are helping the poor guy out because ‘he is finding himself’ or ‘he is down on his luck’ should think twice before they offer a meal and a bed.
Now, before I get blasted for not being compassionate, nor Christ-like, let me make myself real clear. I am 100% family minded. The family is the building block of society and it is built on Christ. We need strong healthy families. Personally, I think it is a good thing for a boy man to live at home while he is establishing himself with his education and trade.
As soon as he starts making money, IN HIS EARLY TEENS, he should be contributing to the family. He should be budgeting his money, including buying his own clothes (not all in the beginning but working up to it), paying for extra activities, etc… He needs to understand that with the privileges of earning money and making mature decisions comes responsibility, not self centered indulgences.
Our expectations should be high, not unreasonable, but high enough that we provoke our sons to MAN-UP, not wimping-out from responsibility. Not only responsibility for himself but for those around him.
Men are geared to be providers and protectors. Look for ways while your sons are young to encourage this kind of thinking. This is what builds self-esteem and self confidence; and when they become adults and they want to mooch off you, DON’T LET THEM! There is a world of difference between giving a hand up, than a hand-out.
Angie says:
I could not agree more! Thank you for telling it like it is. There is nothing more disturbing to see than a grown boy/man sprawled out on his parents’ couch, eating their Pop Tarts and playing Nintendo day in and day out. No school, no job, no nothing. It’s a sad commentary on our society.
Kathy says:
Sad commentary indeed!
Trishe says:
Amen!
I have seen evidence of this “phenomenom” in my extended family. My Godmother, whom I adore, has allowed her (now) 47 year old…never been married son..to live with her. Other than a few attempts over the years, he has always lived at home. She makes excuses for him all the time. When I want to do something “for” my son instead of making/allowing him to do it….I think of this man..and make my son work
Kathy says:
Good for you!
Becky L. says:
Well said!
RG says:
Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. And that is one reason why I love seeing the practical suggestions you post for starting children early in learning life skills. My son absolutely loved the short video you posted of the guy juggling hammers and pounding the nail into the frame above, and stuff like that. He immediately wanted to learn to juggle - though I said he has to learn really well with the soft balls before he ever even thinks of using hammers!! He is 7, and juggling is actually a skill involving agility and has already come in handy for serving the Lord keeping littles entertained while their parents are in meetings, etc. What a blessing your emails are. Please keep them coming, and remember us just starting out love to borrow brains. Let us know other skills that may not have occurred to us.