Teaching Good Things

Practical Skills for Real Life

Teaching Good Things - Practical Skills for Real Life

Cloaks of Piety and Weeds that Kill

A little honesty and a confessing of sins from Olivia. She gave me permission to share this publicly, because this is something we all struggle with!

cloaks of piety

Long week. Discovered (again) it isn’t the grand stand, the ultimate martyrdom that’ll kills you. It’s the hundred little battles, fought daily, mostly unseen and unheard; those little battles lost.

The devil is a patient adversary. He knows it’s the tiny trips, the secret sins that do you in. They break you. A little jealousy here, a little lust there. “I’m not hurting anyone…” Secret sin. Hiding under a cloak of piety.

The big battles, the public displays of sacrifice, they are waged and won. The little ones, the minute by minute decisions to mentally and spiritually wage war on the culture, it’s those we lose. We are left defeated.

After a while we start to wonder what’s the use? I can’t get ahead of it. I’m running to catch up from yesterday’s trips and stumbles. Defeated. Because even if no one else knows, if on the outside I appear on my game, tight with God, doing all the right moves, I know… I know the hypocrisy. I’m the Wizard of Oz, hiding behind my smoke screen handing out little hearts and certificates of courage.

Another week of losing the battles that actually matter, losing ground and I sit here. In church. Pouring all of this out on the back of my liturgy. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe a little broken. Strung out. It’s death by 1000 paper cuts.

Eventually the danger becomes surrender. I start to find beauty in the weeds. I stand in the garden of my soul and take a good look around, sure there are a few flowers, even some useful plants still alive. But the garden as a whole is rendered useless because the weeds are poisonous. Because when the weed was tiny, just a leaf or two, not a big deal, I didn’t pull it. I put it off, I’ll get to it tomorrow, I’ll glove up and face it like the evil it is… tomorrow. That’s how it starts, the surrender. Because in war you are either winning or losing. There is no “time out”.

The truly scary part? When you realize you like the weeds. You don’t want to pull them. At least they’re green, right? The garden looks alive. That honeysuckle vine has flowers! Sweet smelling ones. And while it chokes the life out of my long cultivated, expensive plants… I stand by, enjoying the scent of my sin.

“Do your duty”, the preacher said today, “do. YOUR. duty.” Pull the little weeds, confess your little sins, wage war with the little battles. Keep focused.

The weeds aren’t pretty. They’re dangerous. They will kill you.

 

If You Have More Hurt Than Happiness on Mother’s Day

It’s been funny watching my little kids try to secretly make plans for Mother’s Day. After all they have been through I am so grateful their hearts are still tender and willing to love. This is our third Mother’s Day together.

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The thing I can’t get them to understand is that all I really want is for all my family, big kids and little kids, to be gathered around my table to eat… drink… and laugh! There really is little more that I desire than to be with my family and enjoy being together… to walk in harmony together. That most likely won’t happen this year as there are still some struggles… BUT I am blessed beyond measure and I WILL enjoy the goodness of the Lord.

I have a feeling there are probably more mothers who feel hurt rather than happiness on Mother’s Day.

If you are one of those, one whose heart is aching from rebellion or regret I have some encouragement for you.

Today I posted over at Raising Homemakers about Motherhood and Regrets. Who doesn’t have regrets?

Here is a post I wrote last year about When Mother’s Day Hurts - Rebellious Children

Here is a wonderful video from my best friend Kelly of a presentation she did recently at a conference. She shares openly about her struggles and what she has learned When Motherhood Feels Too Hard. Be encouraged!

And if you are a mom struggling with the grief of death here is a post for you. May you find some peace and comfort from our Father.

The Difference Between Lifestyle and Sin

 

 

The 100 Fold Seed of Gladys Newton

100 Fold Seed

The children and I are working through the New Testament in the mornings. It is a very slow go as it takes me about a week to get through one chapter because we talk about it… a LOT.

Many times our reading will lead into other studies, such as it did last week. We’ve been reading about the sower, which lead to some study on roots, seeds, growth, etc… and what 60 fold and 100 fold meant.

I will warn you now, this is turning into a very sentimental post, so bear with me…

Last week while the children ate lunch I read to them Mark 4.

“The sower sows the word. And these are the ones along the path, where the word is sown: when they hear, Satan immediately comes and takes away the word that is sown in them. And these are the ones sown on rocky ground: the ones who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy. And they have no root in themselves, but endure for a while; then, when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away. And others are the ones sown among thorns. They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. But those that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.”

Our discussions moved into the fertile soil of our heart and the importance of the person sowing the seed. Which led to me sharing with the children my first time being exposed to the Gospel.

I did not grow up in a Bible believing home, but for a few years when I was about 8-10 years old, God did allow me to be in the home of a Bible believing babysitter. She was an older lady who kept several children in her old, yet nice upstate New York farmhouse.

She would talk about God, about Jesus, not in a preachy way, just in her everyday conversations. I remember when she’d play her organ and how I was mesmerized by it. There was something that just went deep inside me when she’d play those hymns.

I remember one time her telling my mother, “God has something real special for her.” Oh my, to this day I still remember how that made me feel inside, it was as if someone had blown a trumpet to my soul.

Now, 40 years later and understanding Reformed theology, I can look back and see that her love, her music, her home, and her speech were bearing witness to my spirit, the fact that God had already chosen me, I just didn’t “know it” yet.

It was during these brief years that my parents did take us to Sunday school some and this is when I said the famous sinner’s prayer. I meant it with all my heart, yet had no idea what being a Christian was about. I just knew I wanted what Gladys had.

Shortly after this our family moved again. We didn’t attend church much- maybe once a year on Easter. I had no discipleship… didn’t know I needed discipleship, yet I always had this longing for more, I just didn’t know what the more was.

Fast forward to after Jeff and I married and we moved south. We visited a church with a friend where Jeff accepted the Lord. Our life since then has been a slow, gradual growth.

I was explained to the children how God used Gladys, my faithful babysitter, my Bible believing babysitter, to plant seeds in my heart. God was the one that gave me the rich soil in my heart for that seed to sprout and take root.

Gladys Newton was a simple woman who opened her home to children. A simple woman who just did her work at home and bore witness as she lived.

I also loved Gladys’s husband Herman. He worked the night shift and would come in as we children arrived. He ALWAYS had a smile on his face… always! It was his kindness that drew me to wanting more.

I kept in contact with Gladys on and off after I was grown. After Jeff was saved and we had a few children….and I had begun to fall in love with Jesus, I wrote Gladys to thank her for her faithfulness. I wanted her to know that God indeed did have something very special for me…HIMSELF. :)

Gladys and her husband are now seated at the Lord’s table feasting together.

As I think how she planted that see in my heart I am so overwhelmed by grace!

At the risk of sounding prideful and I do not take any credit, but that seed has produced 100-fold if not more! From my years of teaching Sunday school, Bible studies, Keepers of the Faith clubs, Domestic classes, our Living a Legacy conference, giving radio and magazine interviews and this blog hundred of more seeds have been planted. I have seen much fruit bloom.

God is faithful!

Last Saturday, 4 of my daughters are out working hard to help raise money to send a friend to Peru on a mission trip. One daughter is a Bible believer and about to have a baby, another daughter helps women in crisis pregnancies. Another daughter who is only 10 works lovingly to serve her family with joy everyday.

God is faithful.

My heart is overflowing with gratitude and humility that God would CHOOSE ME to have a heart of rich soil.

This simple woman loved her husband, and he adored her.

She managed her home well.

She loved children.

She never sought to toot her own horn. She’d be shocked to know her name is being blasted around the world via the internet!

God used her at just the right time to impact my life. Seeds that took many years to take root and even longer to produce fruit.

God is faithful.

The thing is, how you live your life today does matter.

Your choices, how you spend your days, the seeds you plant… will the bring forth much fruit?

Where and what are you planting?

You may plant seeds and never see the fruit, but God does.

Don’t waste your time chasing the wind.

“…and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.” 1 Thess. 4:11-12

 

The Disease That Will Destroy Your Home

Close up on a Lamp and the Coush in a House

Most marriages can not survive with it and children will NEVER thrive with it. Families, friendships and churches are destroyed because of it. It is the curse of a critical spirit.

What is a critical spirit?

Criticism can be anything from belittling, condemning, demanding, fault-finding, nagging, sarcasm, and scolding disapprovingly. A critical spirit is an obsessive attitude of fault-finding and judging others unfairly.

Criticism is destructive. It destroys the harmony of the home, and it destroys relationships.

Some of us can slap a religious label on our criticism and feel justified about our words and attitudes while we infect others with our ugly pride.

Women are especially good at criticism, and it goes hand in hand with nagging and even more-so it embraces gossip.

Plenty of men deal with a strong spirit of criticism too; it strokes their ego.

Criticism, nagging, complaining… it comes naturally and it is contagious.

A nagging critical spirit destroys relationships, leaving nothing but pain, anger and loneliness in it’s path. This disease of criticism comes from the tip of the tongue.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.” James 3:6

Men will pridefully use a critical spirit to cover for their insecurities. They want others to view them as smarter, better looking, richer, stronger than others. The quickest way to obtain this supposed superiority is to belittle others, to criticize them. Unfortunately, they don’t understand that this attitude brings them down to the lowest of all levels.

The wives of know-it-all, critical husbands will become emotionally withdrawn and in time, bitter. They will dread public and family gatherings as he lets everyone know he is the ‘expert’. His children will usually grow up to be playground bullies.

For women, a critical spirit is usually about control. They want to manipulate everyone to look and act as they believe to be “right”. Gossip will usually rule the tongue of a critical woman as she longs for others to agree with her.

With her furrowed brow and haughty eyes she will drive her husband to the roof top (Prov. 21:9), physically and emotionally to escape from her constant nagging. Her children will rise up and never call her blessed, they will run as far as they can as soon as they can.

People grow weary of the critical person and will distance themselves as soon as they can.

There is a constructive criticism. It is used in a spirit of love and it is meant to lead, encourage and guide; not point fingers and scold.

  • Do you find yourself correcting the children in harsh tones all day? When you correct them are you using negative words?
  • Are you always pointing out what your husband is doing wrong? Are you dwelling on his shortcomings all day?
  • Do you leave church commenting on how bad the sermon was, or criticizing someone’s behavior or appearance?
  • The things you point out, are they sin or your preference?
  • The things that drive you crazy about someone, are they unchangeable things about their personality? And should it be YOUR place to change those things?

A critical spirit that is not rooted in love and truth is sin. It is nothing but pride… a selfish pride, a pride that says you know best. A pride that says you can change and control others.

A critical spirit that is rooted in love seeks God’s truth. When there is constructive criticism it is for the person’s own good and done so with kindness.

Break the Chains

Some of us may have come from a home where there was constant criticism, with name calling and belittling that may have included anger or not.

Some of us may have grown up with no words of encouragement to lead us rightly and with no unconditional love.

Some may have grown up watching parents with no respect towards each other.

Maybe your critical spirit has been nurtured by your circle of friends or co-workers. Criticism is very contagious.

You will have to make some courageous and wise choices, not only for your sake, but for the sake of your family… AND for the sake of the gospel. You will need to exercise self-control as you learn a new way to respond to situations. And a new way to lead others to wise choices.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

How to Fight the Disease of Criticism:

Take Your Thoughts Captive

  • What you are dwelling on, is it true?
  • Are you believing the best about the person?

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

“…whatever is true … honorable … just … pure … lovely … commendable, if there is any excellence … anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Don’t Be a Hypocrite

  • Hold yourself to the same standard you hold others to.

“…first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matt 7:5

Meekness, Gentleness and Love

  • Always be willing to evaluate YOUR reaction.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4

Love:

  • patient and kind
  • does not envy or boast
  • not arrogant or rude
  • not insist on its own way
  • not irritable or resentful
  • does not rejoice at wrongdoing
  • rejoices with the truth
  • bears all things
  • believes all things
  • hopes all things
  • endures all things
  • Love never ends.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

I believe a woman has much power in the home and in training up her children and encouraging those around her simply with her words and attitude.

Are we aggressively and verbally beating others down or are we gently leading them, admonishing them to pursue righteousness?

We are setting the pace for everyone else. Guard your tongue. Guard your home! This is one of the greatest battlefields of spiritual warfare… let’s fight to win for the Kingdom’s sake!

 

Are You Preparing Your Children for Life

Raising Responsible Men

Favorite Parenting Books

Home Strings - Make them Want to Come Home

Don’t miss the 2014 Ultimate Homemaking Bundle on sale this week only!

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It isn’t the the gifts under the tree that will bind your child’s heart to you, nor will those gifts stir the fondest memories when they are older.

Extravagance at the expense of sincere communication will not instill a desire to trust and confide in you.

Bling can never replace fellowship. And there is nothing sweeter than having true, sincere, lifelong fellowship with your children.

What will draw them to you is a spirit of joy.

Moms are the key factor in creating an atmosphere of cheerfulness in the home.

She is the one that leads the way into a calm peaceful home.

Mom is the buffer of all things harsh and ugly, untruthful.

She must set the pace of speaking a kind word when others are negative. She needs to be honest teaching others to respond kindly.

Her hands must be diligent in making the home a place that people WANT to be, where the naked are clothes and the hungry are fed.

Her arms welcoming… comforting…full.

Being a homemaker is serious business. It doesn’t just happen… YOU have to make it happen.

Home is what everyone works for…goes to at the end of the day.

Some of us have home strings that tug hard at Christmas time. That is because there was someone that once made a HOME and pleasant memories that were imprinted deep in our soul.

You want to drive everyone, even your children away from you and your home?

  • Be critical. (This one is most important)
  • Nag
  • Complain
  • Be lazy.
  • Be too busy to communicate.
  • Don’t cook satisfying foods.
  • Don’t smile.
  • Don’t play beautiful music.
  • Be very strict and legalistic.
  • Don’t be honest about what is true, right and good.
  • Replace relationships with activities.
  • Satisfy immature, temporary desires with things.
  • Always let them choose friends over family.

You reap what you sow.

 

Why God Gives Us Difficult People to Love!

We all have one… most likely more than one. You know, those people in your life that you HAVE TO love, or at least get along with. It may be an in-law, a sibling, an aunt, a parent, people at work or church or maybe even a child.

They are those people that seem to be so full of pride, making their way known to all, being selfish as they put their needs ahead of everyone else. Or they may be that one who is always complaining, finding fault in people or even manipulating others so they come out on top.

All of us have those people, the ones that walk into a room and push your button just for kicks, or so it seems.

God brings us these people for several reasons.

difficult people

As Sandpaper

When we start out in life we are a rough piece of wood. As life goes on God’s brings sandpaper into our life to smooth us out, to take our rough edges off so that we can be a beautiful, useful piece of wood.

I love my hardwood floors. They are strong and durable, they take a LOT of abuse and bring much beauty to our home. I especially love that they are low maintenance. They hold no odors or dirt like a carpet does… they are very forgiving.

My floors would not be pleasant to walk on if they were rough cut, un-sanded and not sealed. Our feet would be full of splinters and everything would get hung up on them… they would be painful!

Rough lumber is not meant to run your hand along… you can not be close to it without getting hurt. In order to have relationships, long lasting relationships, we need to be smooth… useful and forgiving, just as my floors are forgiving of the abuse they endure.

Relationships at all levels are CONSTANT sandpaper in our life. The question is, will you allow the Master Carpenter to smooth you out or will you be the one inflicting splinters to everyone that comes close?

It’s Not Personal

As I struggle with the difficult people in my life I have to remember that their smashing my button really has little to do with ‘me’. Their attitude and obnoxious behavior is not necessarily an attack on me.

  • Your child sins and struggles because they are a sinner, not because they want to ruin your day.
  • Your husband irritates you because he is human… a man (not a woman).
  • Your mother-in-law rubs against your grain because her worldview is different than yours, most likely not because she hates you.

There are also different personalities. How we approach a situation may not be how someone else is designed (or been taught) to approach it. This is even more evident in how we react to situations, especially conflict. Just because I am an introvert does not mean that I am a snob, and because you are an extrovert does not mean that you are a glory hog… we are all wired differently for a purpose… God’s purpose.

To Know Him

Anytime there is conflict, whether it is justified or not, we need to remember how often we are difficult and offensive towards a holy and perfect God.

Whenever we deal with conflict or sin with others we need to remember our own sin.

We forget how patient God is with us and our repeated sins. We forget how merciful and loving God is as we loose our temper again, or neglect our duty to serve others… or even in our pride as we believe we have things all figured out.

So Why the Unlovable?

  • To make us more like Him. As we work through conflict we remember Jesus settled the conflict of LIFE and death.
  • To refine us, sand us into His image, to be used for His glory!
  • So we can love as He loves.
  • To remember He is God and we are not. We don’t change people, but we can love people.

As a VERY last resort, distance yourself from situations that you can not resolve. We can not run away from most people, but we can keep our button out of reach and love from a distance. (2 Timothy 2:23-24) Some times the best way to love people is to sincerely pray for them from a distance.

 

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? Matthew 5:46

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:23-26

I challenge you…

I will start with a disclaimer in hopes to derail some hate mail. First, I am NOT against foreign missions. We, as Christians, are commanded to “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” (Matt 28:19)

YES, we need to support foreign missions with servants, finances and prayer.

There are some people who are truly called to go and disciple, but MOST are called to stay and disciple.

For those of you that long for a “mission trip”, those who believe they can be of greatest use for the Kingdom is when they go to another country, this is for you. For those of you who are longing to be used, don’t miss out on the most overlooked mission field in the world!

Your greatest and most difficult mission field is right where you are.

This is where God placed you to serve, to evangelize and to disciple.

Your immediate and extended family, your neighbors and your community are no less important than the natives that run barefoot in a jungle.

This hard, materialistic American ground is becoming more hostile to the Gospel. Why is that? I wonder how much of it is because we don’t view our every day relationships and our daily mundane duties as Kingdom work.

As half of American-Christian marriages fail, there is no way we can be effective locally or abroad. No one wants our ‘form of religion’ when we are just as stressed and miserable as the one without Christ. Let us have strong marriages (not perfect) before we go out to the nations.

We neglect the responsibility of training up our children to establish their own ‘ well-skilled, mission bases’ as they marry and have their own families… families that need to reach out to the un-discipled in their community. Let us have strong (not perfect) families before we go out to the nations.

Few Belivers will open their homes for hospitality to reach out to those who need to see how a Christian family lives. Maybe we don’t want people to see how we really live? Let us have strong, God honoring (not perfect) homes before we go out to the nations.

There are lost, hurting and confused people all around us. How much TIME and money do we invest in them? How have you reached out to a local orphan lately? How are the widows in your community? Have you offered a hand to a mother considering to kill her un-born baby?

Jesus had only 12 disciples. They are the ones he poured the most time in. He was equipping them to go out… and make disciples. He instructed his disciples to first go to the house of Israel. Again, discipleship happens in small numbers.

Discipleship can only happen through relationships.

I challenge you! Be a missionary right where you are. Disciple those God brings to you to go out and disciple others. Look for the needy around you. Find delight in your daily duties, finding worth in the mundane, for this is the will of God!

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