Living the Dream and Still Fighting

My daughter lives across the road which is a HUGE blessing with this first grand-baby being born. We literally have a trail worn down across her front yard, from her door to mine.


OK, well, her bassist-hound Curtis is responsible for most of that trail. 😉 But it’s also been to great just to walk on up there and help Emma while she recovers and to soak in Baby Javi.

Last week my younger kiddos and I went up while Emma took a shower and rested some. I brought some reading for the kids.

grandma reading

As I sat gliding in that chair, holding my precious first born grandchild and reading to the three adopted children I was overwhelmed, yes, OVERWHELMED with gratitude.

I sat there thinking of how many years I prayed for more children and how I longed to be able to adopt, and here I sit smack dab in the middle of it all.

I reflected on how many years I prayed for Emma and her walk with God, enduring the rough, rocky parts of the road. How I prayed for her husband and children even while she was still a toddler herself, and here I sit with the answered life-long prayers all around me.

I look across the nursery at the crib Jeff built for Emma’s children and think of how blessed I am to have a good and faithful husband, that our marriage has endured the stormy seas of life.

Then I realized that I am living my dream. As a girl all I ever really wanted to do was be a wife and mother, THAT was my heart’s desire. I didn’t grow up with that being instilled in me, but it was there.

So there I sat, enjoying what most people want. Things (relationships) that most people long for but don’t realize that that’s what they want and need.

Yes, I was overwhelmed with God’s mercy on me. I know what heartache is all about, I know suffering, so when mercy is given it is overwhelming.

THEN…  while I was sitting there in that BEAUTIFUL moment, the thoughts were creeping in my mind…  subtle, yet, urgent.  Thoughts of, “I really need to be home doing the laundry”, “I need to finish painting the trim (which has been unfinished for a month)”, “I need to work on the website”, “I need to go sew Javi a dress”, etc…

The thoughts just kept coming at me which made it hard to focus on the goodness in my arms and at my feet.

How many women are working in factories today while their children and grandchildren are in day-cares as they long to sit and read with them?

I am a doer and I am married to a doer.  I’m not one to just sit, and it is a serious struggle for me to play.

Isn’t that sad to have to work at playing?

While I sat there in a beautiful nursery, enjoying God’s mercy and abundant blessings, I was also fighting my flesh. Fighting Satan’s ploy to pull me away from what really mattered, from enjoying these few fleeting moments of blessings.

Perhaps the greater work for people like me is to be still and enjoy?  To be still and listen, to look deeper into their eyes and tie those heart strings together.

Moms… and dads, don’t let Satan steel your joy nor your time to bask in the blessings. Live in your dream and reap the rewards of hard work and grace.

For tomorrow there will be more work to do.

pilgrims progress

The children and I, including Baby Javi, are reading Pilgrim’s Progress, I love the illustrations in this version.  It’s a slow go because we talk about it a lot. They are loving it as much as I am and our days are filled with references to “Mr. Worldly Wise-man” or “Pliable”, etc… Allegories are a great way to teach.


The Curse of Busyness 

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Oh Kathy…this is exactly what the Lord has been gracing me with lately and I haven’t had anyone to share it with! How I longed for more children, but I learned to be thankful for the precious two I had. How I longed to adopt, by my husband did not feel called to do that and so I had to honor his wishes. And now, our daughter is expecting her seventh child and we are rejoicing with her! She and her wonderful husband live only a few minutes away and are more than happy for us to help out whenever we want to. We have full access to the children at all times, and are blessed to be with them so very often! We fall into bed at night exhausted but oh so happy! The Lord has fulfilled the desires of my heart and also opened my eyes to recognize the blessing! I rejoice with you and share in your happiness! Thank you for writing this post. It has made my day!

Liza Martone

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for sharing your heart and your blessings and your stuggles! What a blessing today for me to read this. I am forwarding it to my “doing” friends for them to soak up your wisdom and observations. I can totally relate to that “creeping-ness” while trying to enjoy a moment. 🙂 THX!


Wow what a great lesson. I am so happy for you and your family. God has been so good to you and to me. I praise Him always. Thank you for sharing your life with us.


Oh my goodness – I so understand! I am a “doer” too. I felt terribly guilty for struggling with feeling more accomplishment for checking off to-dos than sitting and reading to my kids, or drawing with them, etc. Why can’t I see that my kids are the most important and I won’t have them with me forever? Maybe I need to start writing things like “take a walk with the kids” or “read to the kids” or “eat a treat with the kids” on my to-do list. 😉

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