Willful, Contentious Wives! Is it the Husband’s Fault?

July 26, 2011

A wise woman builds her home,

but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

I confess, I am a strong willed wife. It’s true.

To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.“  Gen. 3:16

This verse  strikes me to the core. So often I think I know better than my husband, and even if I don’t voice it with my lips, the smug look on my face or contentious thoughts in my heart scream it. What’s worse is that my actions often prove what’s in my heart.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about another friend who lost her husband and home in the April 27th, tornado, 3 of her 13 children also suffered serious injuries. This wife and mother, along with her children have shown so much strength and dignity through all of this. Their peace and perseverance has left me speechless and convicted. Convicted? Yes, because they have not become bitter with God and their circumstances. They have continued to walk in such humility and GRATITUDE! If any woman has a “right” to complain or feel sorry for herself, it would be Sherry, but she doesn’t.

My friend and I were talking about the strength and dignity of the Lee family, even after such horrific tragedy.  A comment was made how her husband, Tom, must have really lead and discipled the family, how he must have really instilled that Godliness in his wife and children, and there is some truth to that. But whether you have a strong leader type of a husband or not, it does not excuse any of us, whether being a wife or child, from our duty before God to live in a way that produces strength and dignity.

If the only reason you submit to your husband’s leadership is because he is ‘telling you to’, or the only reason a child is obeying his parents is because ‘mom said so’, then there is not real submission. Real submission is when you do it because you know ‘thus says the LORD’! When you accept why God created you ( Genesis 2:18, 1 Corth. 11:9) and that Who you are really submitting to (God) it changes our perspective.

 But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;
redeem me, and be gracious to me.

Psalm 26:11

It takes a much stronger women to honor her husband’s spoken and unspoken wishes than it does for a woman to blindly submit to a commander type husband.

If you have a Christian marriage and your husband is faithful physically and emotionally, if he goes to work everyday to provide and is not abusive to you and you still complain and tear him down because he is not a ‘strong Godly leader’, then judgement will fall on you dear sister. Where is your obedience, love and dedication to the Lord?

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 25:24

• If you are constantly criticizing your husband, usually because you are comparing him to other men, don’t look to him for leadership.
• If you are constantly complaining because of your possessions or the lack thereof, don’t look for him to be eager to provide more.
• If you are constantly telling him of his flaws in hopes that he will change, don’t look for him to really care what you think.
• If you are always justifying your contrary attitude, words and actions, don’t look to him to respect and cherish you.

My husband never insist I obey him. He will let me know what he thinks on a situation, but then he leaves it up to me to honor that…or not. He has a HUGE servant heart so he is not the type to go around banging his fist down and shouting out orders. It is because he is so servant hearted I have to work so hard at submitting to and honoring him.

 A man woman without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Proverbs 25:28

We must use our self-control to build up our marriage, our home and our family. There is security and peace when we focus on OUR obedience to God and quit trying to manage everyone’s obedience around us, especially our husband’s. In the end we will answer for OUR life. God is big enough to handle the rest.

Unfortunately, my daughter’s inherited my strong will, just as most of us take after Eve, but I do hope that they are learning to use self-discipline now and know that it is God whom they must obey.

Who is the man who fears the Lord?
Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
His soul shall abide in well-being,
and his offspring shall inherit the land.

Psalm 25:12-13

No matter what ‘type’ of husband you have, you have a duty before God to submit to him, honor him and build him up. You as the wife will set the tone for the home. If you are insistent that your ways are always better than his, don’t be surprised when he pulls away from you.

Don’t blame your husband for your lack of obedience to God.

Disclaimer: I am NOT saying a woman that is being physically abused or asked to sin is suppose to submit to her husband.

Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 1 Corth. 11:9

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18

Topics: Matters of Faith, Wedded Bliss | 6 Comments »