Teaching Good Things

Practical Skills for Real Life

Teaching Good Things - Practical Skills for Real Life

Raising a Generation of Wimpy and Selfish Women

 

Disclaimer to save you time sending the hate mail:

  • Education is good, we should all be educated and never stop being educated, but let’s not throw out good common sense and a strong work ethic while we are at it.
  • Money is good, if you don’t love it. It is a needful tool in dominion work, but let’s not pursue riches over wisdom.
  • I know there are seasons of illness and hardships that make life extra hard – this is not about you. 

 

wimpy selfish women

Exhausted

Stressed Out

Overwhelmed

These are common words to describe today’s mother. I hear it everywhere. I read moms venting on Facebook, Twitter, etc… of the heavy burden of motherhood and homemaking.

Yes, motherhood is demanding.

Homemaking is challenging.

Being a good wife is tough!

I am there with you, I really am!

But a part of me wants to take the whiny, wimpy woman over my knee and give her a good spanking.  (Edit: I am crossing this line out. I did not mean to offend so many with this remark, it was a metaphor, not a literal action.)  She reminds me of my 5 year old who has a meltdown when she is told to clear the table after meals insisting “it’s just too hard”.

Are you really serious?  Stop waving your fist at God for giving you the responsibilities of the next generation.

Quit expecting someone else to do your work or to make it all easy for you.

Compare your day with the day of a woman 200 years ago!  Do you really have it that hard? At least you have indoor plumbing and running water.

Previous generations knew they were building societies. And strong, productive societies take people, hard work and vision. Remove the people, or the hard work, or the vision and your society will cease to exist.

“May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace.” Psalm 144:12

Plants take a lot of work, constant work. Corner pillars take a lot of work, back-breaking work. Without them there is no future. There is no food and there is no palace.

The Two Stumbling Blocks – Hearts and Hands

#1 Hearts

Our hearts are easily deceived. Our hearts are selfish and want only to be happy… in love with life. We want a taste of heaven here on earth and we will do what we need to to get it. We will even pick our favorite Bible verses to justify it. We just know Jesus wants better for us and we will surround ourselves with people and books to remind us of that.

NO! Jesus wants us busy working! We are Kingdom builders for goodness-sakes!

Can we find joy in our work? YES! But only when the heart is in it. But our heart is usually seeking self first, looking for an easier way, a way that will still ensure that we enter the Gate one day. But often our choices along the way will rob us of blessings, because we want to avoid the work that comes with those blessings.

#2 Hands

Our hands are not skilled nor equipped. Many of us don’t even know where to start.

Homemaking is overwhelming, parenting is even more exhausting…and the thought of ‘loving’ our husbands at the end of the day is almost unbearable.

Why? In-part because the last few generations dropped the ball. Their charge to us was to “go out and find yourself”, “be all you can be” and “get your Masters while you are at it so you can have a more comfortable life and not do the menial work of home”.  We have a society that looks down on the skilled laborer. We have forgotten the importance of doing the work of our hands, and with that we’ve lost the backbone of our country and our families.

We set up our homes having no clue how to do anything beyond opening a can of mush. Budgeting, home repairs, home industry, taking care of babies, hospitality, and even the work of relationships… all of it has to start at ground zero because we were not taught HOW to do these things. As children, very little was required of us and it has carried into adulthood. No wonder women are overwhelmed.

And what is even sadder, we are raising up a generation of even weaker women who have a view of marriage and children as nothing but burdensome. As mom and dad complain about the load and the expense of children, and then delegate their responsibilities of work, education and relationships to other people, the children are carrying on their vision, or the lack thereof.

If the Lord has given you a husband and children be faithful!

Raise up your children to be strong and skilled while having a servant heart. They will not get that from you if you are in a tizzy all the time and neglecting your duties to train them.  Don’t be responsible for raising up weak and whiny daughters who buckle under the pressure of motherhood.

Yes, I know it is hard!

But why do we think it should be easy?

Be a strong woman so your daughter can be stronger:

  • Ask for strength and wisdom from the Giver of your life!
  • Clear your calendar of the time-robbing, energy-sucking activities.
  • Make a plan of needful skills, then slowly start working your plan.
  • Roll up your sleeves and get busy about YOUR work… and your work WILL take your lifetime to complete, just accept it!
  • Love your husband, even when he gets on your nerves.
  • Make your house a home, no matter how humble it is.
  • Train your children to obey and equip them to work and serve.

 

 

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  • Ashley says:

    Just the tough love I needed today! Thanks :-)

    06/20/2014 at 5:45 pm
  • Kimberly says:

    VERY WELL SAID AND NEEDED!! Thank You from a mama of 10 who has been in the trenches for 24 years and wouldn’t be anywhere else! :)

    06/20/2014 at 6:28 pm
  • Jennifer says:

    It’s not necessary for you to mention spanking a woman like she’s a child though; I just say I wanna smack someone. Great article though.

    06/20/2014 at 10:15 pm
    • Aly k says:

      Yes, that statement about spanking creeped me out just a little.

      06/21/2014 at 6:31 am
  • Janice says:

    Hello!

    I’m asking in all seriousness as I just want to start a dialogue about balancing work/home. As I was reading through your blog post, I was wondering who and where are all the women complaining about how hard it is? I live in an urban area, and my female friends with children are often working mothers. Their spouses are engaged in childcare and housework as well – and even one of the men in my friend group is a stay at home dad. At any rate I’ve never heard them whine and complain about raising their children and balancing their careers. They will admit that balancing is very hard – but it is also very rewarding.

    I also can’t think of a single person amongst my female friends and work colleagues that prepare “mush” for dinner and cannot take care of their home. Some do hire outside help, the vast majority participate and enjoy home arts. If you are on pinterest, the amount of Millenial women embracing canning, sewing, embroidery, knitting, cooking from scratch etc is staggering.

    I’m curious as to your thoughts and how you came to the conclusions you came to in your blog post, because even in a very liberal, middle to upper middle class area I’m just not seeing wimpy, whiny women at all.

    06/21/2014 at 3:42 am
    • Kathy says:

      Janice, You must have a really great circle of friends! :) You bring up a good point that has me thinking… perhaps it is more the stay-at-home mom (I am one and most of my friends are also), who feel like martyrs that do the most complaining. Trust me, they are there! It’s all about attitude.

      And, yes! Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and my favorite PINTEREST have done great things to inspire women and homemakers!!!

      Thank you for your comments!

      06/21/2014 at 4:45 am
  • Aly k says:

    This was article was a great reminder. I think most of my frustration as a homemaker with lots of children is that no one taught me how to manage a home, manage lots of children, home educate, live on a minuscule budget etc. There are lots of blogs and resources out there now but many of them either seem very unrealistic (feed a family of ten on $300 per month…) or just don’t fit with what we believe (an over emphasis on corporal punishment and strong promotion of never limiting size of family, strict courtship etc). This is first time I have read your blog. Looking forward to going thru it a little more.

    06/21/2014 at 6:40 am
  • Leshia says:

    I have been a SAHM since 2010 and I could not agree with you more! Whenever I made the change from corporate america to full time and homemaker, I was determined to make our lifestyle one of simplicity which meant going back to the basics. I’m 35 and came from a family that taught me to clean, sew, garden, and change my own tires and oil. My life is better for it. I see my other friends struggling financially and in their marriages because they won’t take the time to save money by cooking instead of buying fast food, throwing out clothing instead of learning to sew and save. So I started hosting meetings at my house to help them learn these things and some of them really appreciate my support. We learn from each other actually and it takes the whining away!

    06/21/2014 at 7:04 am
  • Marcia Wilwerding says:

    There are many reasons why women end up being wimpy and whiny. The ones I know entered marriage and family life with high expectations and little forethought. They went into marriage thinking they would home educate a quiver full of children but never prepared themselves for the reality of what that actually entails.

    06/21/2014 at 7:43 am
  • Kelly Crawford says:

    You hit it out of the park, sista!

    06/21/2014 at 8:09 am
  • Meg Newell says:

    One of the best lessons that MOPs taught me was that a mother’s life is really just a series of seasons. Infancy, toddler, preschooler, and so forth, the fact that all seasons END, and must therefore be treasured for for the uniqueness of each, always helped me keep a little perspective. While my sahm season has given way to full time “professional” ministry, (as opposed to the very real ministry of mothering and wifing)I see little of the whining you discuss.
    Maybe, as we transition into the older version of the Titus 2 woman, we could take a moment to encourage our younger counterparts with a cup of tea and a gentle ear. Hopefully, my daughter (and my son for that matter!) are learning from my example of homemade-when possible-(but, not above opening a can of mush)hospitality offered to guests as we TRY to model the kindness of Christ.

    06/21/2014 at 8:28 am
  • Retired Mom says:

    Once again, it mystifies me why on earth women think this whole wife/mother/career thing is so hard. I’ve been doing it for years, both as half of a dual career family and as sole breadwinner after my husband got ill. I work (currently telecommute), raised kids, cooked dinners, did what had to be done. The ones that are all “stressed” are probably the ones who have husband that do nothing. In a dual career family, husbands cannot sit on their behinds like the king of their castle. it takes both to make it work. That’s also probably one reason why SAHMs are stressed out and overwhelmed too. Men need to realize that they cannot avoid taking an active role in the home. This “submission” rubbish is just that. Its totally misguided, misapplied and far from the intent of the famous Ephesians 5 passage.

    That said…it just ain’t that hard to learn how to cook. My mother was a horrible cook and never taught me. I’m a fantastic cook now, but it’s been 30 years. The “homemaking arts” have been raised to an idol by most conservative Christians and it needs to stop.

    06/21/2014 at 9:55 am
    • Gretta says:

      These are excellent points. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. . . none of it takes that long to learn. And the best way for a woman to feel rested and happy is to have her husband do his share of the work. Lazy husbands who watch TV all day are the major cause of discontented women.

      06/23/2014 at 11:20 pm
  • Abbie says:

    I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    06/21/2014 at 3:06 pm
  • Alexa says:

    SO needed this. It is true!!! Also, if I could add something…surround yourself with women who aren’t whiners!! It is too easy to be dragged down when surrounded by that mentality. Thanks for the article!

    06/21/2014 at 3:15 pm
  • Rachel R. says:

    Well said! The comment asking “where are these wimpy, whiny women” got me thinking, and I think the answer is two-fold:

    1) It depends a lot on your circles. To a large extent, it probably really is the case that Janice has a better-than-average circle of friends. Some communities will see more of this and others will see less. How well-equipped a given group of women is for the tasks set before them is likely to play a BIG part!

    2) It probably is largely SAHM’s – and to a very large degree I’d guess this is because SAHM’s in our country (as a whole) are extremely unsupported. It *is* a hard job to be home with littles all day with no break; on-call all night; the one responsible for planning, shopping for, preparing for, and cleaning up after meals, etc. And not only are women who’ve chosen to take on this task generally not *appreciated* in this country for all that they do, they’re actually *mocked* and *belittled* for doing it. Many of the SAHM’s I know are weary and burned-out, with no one who will, yes, urge them to “keep on keeping on,” but do it with understanding and grace.

    There’s still this ridiculous image of a woman sitting at home watching soap operas and eating bon-bons, so women’s legitimate exhaustion is brushed aside. I mean, how can you be weary when you’re doing *nothing* all day! It can be pretty tough to not be resentful when that’s going on – pour yourself heart, soul, and body into a task 24 hours a day and then be mocked for “doing nothing” all the time. I’m not saying that makes it okay, but I suspect that *some* of the whining might be easier to correct if the *legitimate* needs were being met.

    (No, women didn’t used to have washing machines and dishwashers, but they *did* used to have *communities*.)

    06/21/2014 at 3:28 pm
    • Kathy says:

      Excellent comments, Rachel! I agree 100% about the lack of community, especially family community! Thank you for your input.

      06/21/2014 at 6:59 pm
    • Leah says:

      YES!!! Thank you, Rachel! They say it takes a village, but we simply don’t have that kind of support in western society anymore. Being an island is very lonesome.

      06/23/2014 at 10:35 am
  • Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing On says:

    Loved it and was convicted at the same time. Thank you!

    06/21/2014 at 3:39 pm
  • Olivia says:

    Wow. You mentioned some excellent points, but good grief, SOME-body must be having a really great day – your kids are playing nicely, you didn’t burn the leftover mac’n’cheese heating up on the stove, you didn’t argue with your husband over something silly last night and feel bad about it this morning and then still have the promised “love” hanging over your head for tonight. Give the moms who are having really bad days, weeks, months a break.

    06/21/2014 at 3:40 pm
    • Kathy says:

      Olivia, I have a lot of bad days with some of unique challenges. I have a couple of close friends that I confide in and we do sympathize and encourage each other to press on.

      06/21/2014 at 6:56 pm
  • Maggie says:

    This article spoke to me directly. I have 2 small daughters (2 and 5) I was never a kid person before having my own and after having kids I decided to stay home. I would rather work because I find staying home exhausting and the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. I have whined and complained and have been straight up lazy with my God given responsibilities. I am convicted and will look for His strength. My 5 year old has asked me (begged me) to help me cook, to show her how to knit and crochet (although I can’t since she’s left-handed) and I often choose not to because it is easier. I’m convinced I have all it takes in Christ to be the mom He created me to be so I can disciple my children to be warriers for Christ.

    06/22/2014 at 7:03 am
    • Amanda says:

      Just a word of encouragement for Maggie – You can teach your left-handed daughter to knit/crochet, even if you are right handed! I learned lefthanded crochet and knitting from Youtube, just to teach my daughter, and she was able to learn from me. It does take a little while to wrap your mind around, but it can be done.

      Also, check out the forums at http://www.ravelry.com, and look for groups of lefties, or ask for advice about teaching a leftie. I also taught my daughter loom knitting, and the left/right thing isn’t as big a deal with that, and she’d still get the satisfaction of a finished “knitted” project.

      06/22/2014 at 5:58 pm
    • Jennifer says:

      Hey Maggie, hang in there. Toddler years are HARD. But six years-old is a magic number (at least from my experience of three children), and things will get easier. Don’t snuff that spark of interest your daughter has for learning and helping. There is plenty a 5 y.o. can do with you alongside her to guide her. Keep her alongside you all day, and you will see fruit eventually. For crochet, have her sit opposite you and mirror your movements. I have a lefty as well. I consider it a brain-expander for me to translate right-handed movements to left-handed. And when they are 3 & 6 things will be a little easier than when they are 2 & 5. As the saying goes, the days are long, but the years are short. May the Lord bless you!

      07/08/2014 at 12:34 pm
  • Kathleen Johnson says:

    I think the biggest difference between today and 100 years ago is the lack of multigenerational family involvement. Taking care of little ones is exhausting and overwhelming. It just is. Add in homeschooling, larger than average families, a husband who is gone most of the time, and maybe even a job outside of the home (that would be me on all accounts) and there have been times I have felt like I could not go on. When all my children were little, I would have given anything for a grandma who wanted to spend time with my children, advise me on how to do things, and just give me a little break at times. I made up my mind that when I was older, I would be that woman for me own daughters, daughters-in-law, or anyone else that God put in my life.

    06/23/2014 at 2:56 pm
    • Kathy says:

      I agree completely!

      06/23/2014 at 2:58 pm
    • Marcia Wilwerding says:

      I resolved the same thing, Kathleen, also because of those lean years when I was alone with the little ones. We were on a farm a mile from the nearest town (150 people) with no phone, no car, not even a DOG. :( We were an hour and a half from my family, and they could not afford to come very often. But, there was one woman who helped when she could and a homeschool family with two teenage daughters came and blessed me to no end toward the end of our time living there. So, yes, I hear ya.

      06/23/2014 at 3:06 pm
  • wendy says:

    This was a great article (although I would caution on the use of ‘spanking’ women, let’s be edifying and encouraging and not be complainers in the way we speak of others). I am a stay at home mom (worked full time with kids as well and the problem I see is with women who work full-time in the early years of marriage who have not been trained in meal planning, cooking, cleaning, etc. The husbands share a lot of that and that’s fine but the problem arises when these women have children and decide to stay home. All of the sudden they are thrown in to raising children, cooking, cleaning, etc (because they are home and should be available to tend to these needs without hiring outside help) but have no skill set to be able to do these tasks and maybe a lack of understanding on their role according to Scripture. It results in overwhelmed, exhausted and disgruntled women. Instead of blaming these women we need to meet them with an attitude of grace, offering to help them cultivate these skills and gently leading them through the great calling of motherhood and being a homemaker (as we lead our daughters who will be right there to take it all in). Thank you for the inspiration to ‘never leave a mama behind’!

    06/24/2014 at 6:36 am
  • tammy says:

    Such a great heart issue to tackle!! Thanks Kathy. I have been there and done that, the complaining i mean. Life is hard, but it is so good too. I am trying to once again (cause i get so distracted sometimes) wrap my mind and heart around being grateful. I know when i am living with a focus on gratitude for everything i have and don’t have everything becomes clearer and somehow ok. God works constantly on us to sanctify us and glorify himself. This usually is thru struggle and trial. This is life. It does not mean it is bad. Hard, YES, but not bad. Bottom line, i reckon is that it is a heart issue. Something i am always dealin with!! :-) Thank you so much for the good words, admonishment, hope, and encouragement!!!!!!!!!! Lord Bless you and this post!!!!

    06/24/2014 at 8:35 am
  • KM says:

    I don’t think my lack of sewing skills (or cooking skills) makes me a worse mother. I think being guilt-ed into thinking it is worse. I understand teaching your kids to wash clothes, fold clothes, wash dishes, cook (which will have to be from my husband bc he’s better at it than I am), but don’t forget to teach your sons too. In our world, there shouldn’t be such things as ‘womens’ work’ and ‘mens work’. My husband really enjoys cooking. It relaxes him when he comes home from work to cook us a big supper. Am I a worse wife because I let him and don’t cook supper?

    I think each family is different, and while I do understand ‘whiny’ women, I think sometimes everyone just needs an outlet. A place to vent, get the frustrations out and move on. It doesn’t mean you are weak or don’t love your family/children any less.

    06/24/2014 at 8:54 am
    • Kathy says:

      I never said anything about men not helping, nor that sons should not be taught.
      Not being able to sew does not make you a bad mother… never said that.

      And yes, having a friend to vent with, nothing wrong with that. We need to be able to share burdens and struggles. This post is about women who are constantly complaining because they have to take care of home and family.

      It’s all about attitude.

      06/24/2014 at 9:06 am
  • Tiggy says:

    Bravo! At last someone has had the courage to say it!

    06/30/2014 at 6:16 am
  • Becky says:

    I’m one of those that fall under the disclaimer of hard times & I found nothing offensive in this article (even the spanking, lol). In fact, it’s an encouragement that we must carry on – even though sometimes life knocks us back and we’re tired, sick, grieving, broke, etc, etc, etc…I actually am all of the above. We’ve dealt with unemployment, life threatening illness, financial difficulties, and one death in the span of 4 years.

    Even these things do not qualify me to sit back and take a break, but to intensify my diligence in caring for my family because they’ve been traumatized as well.

    Jesus has already overcome & He told us not to be discouraged. I don’t endure for reward here – I endure because I will see Him one day and give an account of how I took care of these wonderful children that He’s loaned to us.

    I pray everyone chooses to press on too.
    ~Titus 2~

    07/22/2014 at 2:55 pm

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