I shouldn’t blog when I’m feeling melancholy… but it really is the only time I let my defenses down and admit how I’m really doing. I’ll wait 24 hours before posting this just to make sure it’s not a hormone surge - I don’t want to be TOO real!
I think I am safe to blog this because my kids don’t really read my blog.
For those of you with small children, that look forward to the day when they grow up and they don’t need you so much, all I’ve got to say is, IT’S NOT ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE!!!
Well, I lied… I have a lot more to say.
I wonder if it is harder for us homeschool moms, us moms that have physically and emotionally poured into them EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. 24/7? Maybe moms of children who are institutionalized for education are used to them being gone all the time? I don’t know.
We’ve prayed for our children to grow strong in the Lord. We’ve cried out to God to bring them a vision for Kingdom building and a passion for family.
And then God answers those prayers…those prayers that have been prayed for years, maybe even decades.
Then life changes… Your daughter whom you’ve struggled to raise, and by God’s grace He did a miraculous work in her is gone.
Not only did the Almighty turn her heart toward Him, but He also turned her heart to another man…a wonderful man who is now her husband. I love to watch the two of them. I love watching their love grow as they learn to be one…it ain’t easy ya know?!
And as the two of them grow and begin to set their own olive plants around their own table, this table in our home has a vacant place… her place.
The Lord is pruning her away from me…away from us, so she can grow and produce her own fruit. Which is a good thing! A Divine thing!!! I would never want it any other way.
But it hurts! It is what I prayed for, it is what I wanted, it is God’s design… but it still hurts.
This pain I feel, it’s not a possessive, control freak, nosy-body thing. I really do work hard at respecting boundaries.
I don’t have words to explain it.
I’m not sure there is a way to prepare for it.
I had no idea it would be THIS HARD!
I do think (HOPE) that within time I will get used to the new normal. Perhaps as the grand-babies come it will replenish this void I feel.
Don’t get me wrong…I AM VERY GRATEFUL! I am grateful that she is married to a Godly man. I am grateful that we have a good relationship and that we see each other almost every day. I am grateful she lives just across the road! I am grateful we all eat a meal together 1-2 times a week. I am so very grateful she loves God! And I am grateful that I still have babes in the nest.
I just miss her…
I wonder if it is near as hard for her?
I don’t understand these mothers who can’t wait for their kids to get back in school so they can have some peace. Or the ones that are excited to have an empty nest so now they can enjoy life. Gosh, I just don’t get that!
She has been cleaving to her husband for 4 months now and I still have times like today…and I miss her.
- NEVER wish time would pass.
- Make home a place they will miss.
- Always point them towards Christ.
- Hold on with loose hands.
If any of you older moms would like to chime in I’d love some Godly Older Woman advice.
It will get easier, right?