Boy Question: Lack of Motivation

February 8, 2010

Here is a question from one of our readers about boys:

How do you motivate your boy (mine is 11) to become more ‘hands on’ rather than sit with his nose in a book?  He’ll do it if prompted several times by his father, but not with any motivation and enthusiasm as we’d hope.  Granted it may not be his natural talent, but we want him to learn these things for his own benefit in adult life.

We view practical skills just as we view any other subject. I PROMISE you, math is NOT my natural bend, but I still had to do it.  Sometimes I will hear a mother say, “I just don’t think I could homeschool; I don’t think I could get them to do their work.” My reply is, “Do you get them to brush their teeth?” Not many kids want to brush their teeth, but we parents use our authority to *make them* do it  because it is for their good.  It is the same for doing school lessons and practical skills.

Your son doesn’t have to be excited about the hands on stuff, but he does need to know how to do them.  Perhaps one day when he sees the necessity of  knowing a certain skill (such as fixing the kitchen sink), he will be a bit more motivated.

Just like some school subjects that we have to do, it seems meaningless until we have a real need to use it. I HATED fractions, but when I started quilting I had to apply fractions to my measurements; it’s not near the struggle for me now. Perhaps your son needs to experience the necessity of knowing the hands on stuff? Can you put him in situations where he is responsible for fixing something or solving the problem? Put him in situations where the buck stops with him.

Until he sees the necessity of hands-on (which may also come with maturity), you remain diligent in your training of him. Treat those real life skills just as you do math and spelling; something that must be done whether he likes it or not.  Focus on his ability  to do them, and then encourage the attitude to follow.  If his attitude is bad, then make it uncomfortable for him until his attitude improves; such as doubling his task. )  When he does the task at hand be sure to praise him with sincere gratitude!!!

Require he spend at least a couple hours a day outside without a book! Give him some physical things to do.

Keep reminding him that in the real world people have to do things they don’t want to do everyday. Remind him that indulging ourselves in only the things we want to do is a form of laziness. God is clear that people that who are able to work and don’t, well then they don’t eat. Now that is real incentive! ;o)  And if you are going to have to do things you may not necessarily want to, you may as well find a positive way of looking at it, because perspective is important!

Building Books for Boys

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